A Dozen You Say?

This is a special post for my sister Cats & her Hubby to commemorate Monday, September 1st. What better way to celebrate than with a movie marathon? So, go grab a dozen donuts & a pair of six-packs and settle in.

Cheaper by the Dozen (2003) - Start with this family flick just in case you haven't yet pawned the kids off on Mom & Dad. Why yes, it sucked. But it fits the theme! Seriously, I would have snipped something off after the first 4 or 5. Oy!

The Dirty Dozen (1967) - Now we're talkin'. Remember this movie makes grown men cry.*

12 Angry Men (1957) - You've watched a bad family flick & a good old-fashioned war movie. Now it's time for serious. And who's more serious than Juror #8 (Henry Fonda?)

Ocean's Twelve (2004) - Maybe not as good as Ocean's 11, but who cares. It's got Brad Pitt & Catherine Zeta-Jones. Something for everyone!

Twelfth Night (1996) - Cross dressing & Shakespeare? Don't worry, it's a comedy. Someone's got to be alive at the end. ;-)

Twelve Monkeys (1995) - No, I'm not crazy! If you can survive 12 years of marriage and this movie marathon, clearly you can handle a mentally insane guy from the future. Granted you've only been eating donuts and drinking beer all day. Oh well...

* From Sleepless In Seattle:
Sam Baldwin: Well I'm not looking for a mail-order bride! I just want somebody I can have a decent conversation with over dinner. Without it falling down into weepy tears over some movie!
Greg: She's, as you just saw, very emotional.
Sam Baldwin: Although I cried at the end of "the Dirty Dozen."
Greg: Who didn't?
Sam Baldwin: Jim Brown was throwing these hand grenades down these airshafts. And Richard Jaeckel and Lee Marvin
[Begins to cry]
Sam Baldwin: were sitting on top of this armored personnel carrier, dressed up like Nazis...
Greg: [Crying too] Stop, stop!
Sam Baldwin: And Trini Lopez...
Greg: Yes, Trini Lopez!
Sam Baldwin: He busted his neck while they were parachuting down behind the Nazi lines...
Greg: Stop.
Sam Baldwin: And Richard Jaeckel - at the beginning he had on this shiny helmet...
Greg: [Crying harder] Please no more. Oh God! I loved that movie.

GAAAAHHHHHH NOOOOOO!!!!

Sorry, perhaps the title is a bit excessive, but the little snorkel rod from the foam maker on the espresso machine flew into the air, bounced end over end TWICE and slid down the ventilation shaft in the kitchen. Poof! Gone! Also, the inside of the duct work in the kitchen is disgusting. But more importantly, it's gone! What do I do?!? I am not sticking my arm in there! Maybe if Slick brings home rubber gloves from work and I put on an old long-sleeved t-shirt.

At least it happened AFTER I frothed the milk for my cafe'.

So very sad! I wanted to cry. Thankfully, the comical nature of the bounce & the pregnant moment when I thought "NOooooo!!!" made me laugh at myself. Because, life is better in slow-mo.

Appaloosa

A few weeks ago, I picked up a book at the library called "Resolution" by Robert B Parker. It was on the new fiction shelf and looked like a fast read. It's a western. I've never read a western, but I love watching them.

The book itself read fast. I cut into it in one evening. The shooting, swearing & whiskey sipping all starts in chapter one. The characters were unabashedly crude and the backdrop included strong stereotyping of the American Frontier and the people in it. The effect of this over-play of the racism, sexism & general lack of morality was potent. Instead of forcing me to recoil in disgust, I felt drawn to the characters.

The protagonist, a gun-fighter named Everett Hitch, kills a man early and does so to establish order in a bar. Soon, he's joined by his friend and mentor, Virgil Cole. Together they wrestle with a town and fight just about everyone in it. Yes, I know, completely unoriginal plot. Who cares? I'm here for the gun fight!

Throughout the book, they hark back to a place called Appaloosa. Appaloosa was the town of their first adventures together. That night, after finishing the book, I was online at a movie trailer site and noticed that Appaloosa is being made into a movie. I watched the trailer with Ed Harris (Virgil) & Viggo Mortensen (Everett) and was pleased by how quickly the characters in my head melded into them. The next day, I went to the library and got a copy of Appaloosa (the book.)

It was equally as fun as Resolution and read equally as fast. I'm surprised at how much I enjoyed both. You can feel Ed Harris as Virgil already. This made the character come alive for me.

If the movie adaptation equals the book, then it'll be a great western. And in case you're wondering, here's three examples of what I consider to be great westerns:

Silverado (1985) - Best Western ever and one of my favorite movies of all time. With Kevin Kline, Scott Glenn, Danny Glover & a very young Kevin Costner.

Unforgiven (1992) - Dark and gritty cowboy movie. Did for westerns what Dark Knight may have done for superhero movies. With Clint Eastwood, Gene Hackman & Morgan Freeman

Rio Bravo (1959) - Classic John Wayne western. Essentially redone as El Dorado (1966) also with John Wayne. Not sure which I liked more. With John Wayne, Dean Martin, Ricky Nelson (yes really) and Angie Dickinson

Hey McCain, Roll Initiative!

This was reported to me today by my friend Avouz. Apparently, "McCainite" Michael Goldfarb said,

It may be typical of the pro-Obama Dungeons & Dragons crowd to disparage a fellow countryman's memory of war from the comfort of mom's basement, but most Americans have the humility and gratitude to respect and learn from the memories of men who suffered on behalf of others.

You can check out more by clicking +2 for Hope and following some of the links. My friends and I are somewhat insulted but mostly amused by the whole thing. Gamers are some of the most open-minded and diverse groups of people I know. I personally am very respectful of McCain's military service and have studied a bit about it.

Besides, my mom's basement is over 500 miles away & kinda musty.

A Good Week

I'm declaring this a good week. I know there's 2 days left and a lot can happen, but screw it. It's been a good week. I've been "fog" free & my body aches have all been manageable. I've been accomplishing stuff including that big HVAC repair in my attic on Tuesday. And my recovery time from such projects has been great. On Tuesday, we even walked the mile into town and had dinner.

And Now A Few Words About The Works of Jason Statham

The other day my sister and I admitted to being unwitting victims of a Jason Statham movie. We laughed at our misfortune, bad taste & the overwhelming horror of Mr Statham's career. Why? How? What idiot keeps making these films? (Well, Lionsgate is the usual culprit.) With the imminent release of Death Race (Remake of the cult-classic Death Race 2000) I thought it was my duty to do a public service announcement. I implore you to avoid Jason Statham movies!

Our trouble began with a small 2002 hit known as the Transporter. It was a fun ride with great stunts, fun (but formulaic) plot & a Hong Kong action feel. Statham was perfect. He exuded strength, sexuality, and presence onscreen. He had a British Bruce Willis feel.

The Transporter was followed up by a role in the 2003 remake of the Italian Job. He was perfectly type-cast as Handsome Rob the getaway driver & lady's man. The movie was good, fun & was one big minicooper ad.

Statham, unfortunately, had arrived. He's made several movies since. And most are in the running for the worst film I've ever seen. I appeal to you to avoid his movies (except the for the ones above) at all costs. Do not be sucked in by Crank or In the Name of the King. These films blow the most amazing chunks that they make Highlander 2 (which I actively forget exists) look like academy award material. Statham's fall may make the collective works of Jean-Claude Van Damme look like masterpiece theater. And Van Damme made Street Fighter! Street Fighter!

Avoid Statham. Think of the Children!

Suppostions of Faith vs Scientific Theory

Everyday after exercising, I take time to scan a variety of news sources. This morning I saw the following video link, No Credit for Creationism. The crux of it is that Christian colleges are teaching religious elements in their science classrooms and California isn't accepting those credits state-wide. One of the interviewed students commented that they are being taught the range of theories including intelligent design & evolution. The news story painted a picture of these colleges & their students as victims of the rules. Sigh! So much for objective journalism. (Not that it really exists.)

I admit bias in this situation. I admit that I find it difficult to look upon the purveyors of Creationism as anything but perversion of the Christian ideal & of rational scientific methodology. But then, this is my blog. But, I digress...

Creationism & it's twisted-sister known as intelligent design are disagreeable theology at best. The moment someone, for whatever reason, points at something and says, "God did that!" it is no longer science. Faith is a wonderful and beautiful thing. It's not science.

I do not believe in Evolution. Rather, I consider it the current scientific theory that best answers the scientific question of life on earth. Any argument that survival of the fittest or evolutionary divergence points to or away from God is a matter of faith and not science.

Science is not immoral. Science is amoral. There are those who would have you believe that this is not true. We all know the argument against Evolution. It does not point to God. It can be used as an argument against God's existence. It does not conform to a strict interpretation of the Bible. Intelligent design is the insidious response. Life is too amazing to have been an accident, therefore it points to a designer. We are told to "believe" that this is science. Rational thought? Perhaps. A matter of faith? Most definitely.

I believe, as a matter of faith, the core concept. God did make us. Evolution, creation, everything belongs to God. That may be it's most insidious part. Reasonable people of faith can not disagree with the core concept. When I attack - as I am now - Intelligent Design, it's supporters can call me anti-Christian. When I say that it has no place in a science classroom, it's supporters can also call me bias. And so, I become sad and embarrassed.

I am sad because both the faith I love & the science I studied are both being subverted. I'm embarrassed because it's not happening in some communist country or some oppressive middle-east nation, but here in our supposedly great nation.

Exactly

John Kovalic author of the web-comic Dork Tower has successfully explained Olympic fever.

Dork Tower for Wed, Aug 13th

And yes, I'm still "suffering" from it. I even have the end of the women's individual all-around gymnastics final on my DVR. I just have to not look at any news until I have a chance to watch it.

And Now A Sports-gasm

At this moment, I'm watching video streaming of Germany vs Spain in Men's Olympic Basketball, Phillies vs Dodgers on MLB.com & using my tuner-card to watch the NBC prime-time Olympic coverage. I'm doing this all on one computer. The audio from 3 sporting events is less overwhelming than you might think. There's also not a lot screen space. Don't believe me? I've got a picture!

I was certain the system would crash when I loaded this picture from the camera. It didn't, but I think my brain is getting a bit overloaded.

Catching Up On XKCD After Vacation

Always remember to use the "prev" function on XKCD when you come home from vacation. Otherwise, you can miss great moments of blasphemy.

XKCD, it's not just a web comic, it's cathartic.

FYI - Hawaii is in the USA

Hawaii is our 50th State! It's not some foreign country. When someone grows up in Hawaii or lives in Hawaii or vacations in Hawaii, they do so in the United States of America and thus have American "roots." Yes, it's a beautiful place. Yeah, it's in the middle of the ocean. It's still American soil!

Are we clear? I could totally go on about the inherent racism, jingoism & all around stupidity of people...You know what, forget it! The heads of all the Native American Tribes called. They want their land back. Everyone pack up you shit and go "home."

I hear I might be a distant relation to the chancellor of Germany. Think she'd let me sleep on the couch?

Signal Boost

I returned home this week to a horrendous case of Olympic fever. The only problem was that I was having problems with the reception to our NBC station. Digital signals are interesting. They don't get fuzzy like analog. Instead they have 3 phases: Perfect, Spotty & None. Due to a number of factors (mostly distance & antenna location) I deal with a lot of spotty signal performance. So, I did a bunch of research yesterday to determine if I could boost my reception OR if it was time to admit that I needed an outdoor antenna.

The short of the story is that I dramatically improved the reception to all 10 of my local stations by simply moving my little indoor antenna into the attic. I used the existing hole for my network cable. I can tap into my existing CATV cabling at some point if I want to make it pretty.

Fun w/ Captions

- Nothing to see here! Move along!
- Charlie, Our Mysterious Benefactor!
- Is that Wilson?

No, no...the man hiding behind the napkin is "Uncle." I caught him snacking. Apparently, Cape Cod chips taste good w/ salsa & a glass of white wine.

Addition:

- Pay no attention to the napkin! I am the great and powerful Oz!

Pool Sharks

Einstein & Jesus Walk into a Pool Hall...

Proof that my family has an odd sense of humor. Princess Kitty (and her parents...you know...the pastors!) bought this for Uncle (AKA iDad's little brother, AKA the biggest Sixers fan in the world.) Who won the great pool game? There are some questions best left unanswered!

Sunset

I am home. The sun has set on another family vacation in OBX. It was great. I miss my niece already. OK, I miss them all, but "Princess Kitty" is my excuse to play mini-golf, eat ice cream and watch Disney Movies.

Sunset over "our" pond with the Currituck Sound in the background
You can almost see the North Carolina coast behind it

The Internets Pipe Is Clogged

So, the Internet connection here at the rental house is down. The guy from the rental agency came out Sunday and unlocked the electronics room, but all he knew how to do was recycle the power. So, my uncle called me downstairs to help. The television feed is running, but the Internet light is not and we still haven't gotten it fixed.

iDad started wandering around looking for WiFi signals with his iPhone. (Which was OMG funny!) Other members of my family kept asking me "What will we do?" Perhaps it's denial, but I just shrugged and went back to my mystery book. (Note: the wife did it!) Then when that was done, I moved on to my Obama book. I - gasp - explored the outdoors. I - oh the horror - swam in the pool & walked on the nature trail. By Monday however, the inmates became restless.

That's when iDad found a faint connection to another WiFi signal when standing in the corner of one room on the third floor. Pandemonium ensued! Followed by begging! I lugged my old laptop (which I almost didn't bring) up to the room and set it up in the corner. Since my nephew wanders in and out of the room, I can't just leave my laptop sitting on the floor. Instead, I've had to unpack it a few times for people to read email and blah blah blah...

Anyway, that's what's going on. I had intended to supply random photos of OBX everyday. But frankly, it's better this way. So, don't expect anymore posts this week. I'm having fun, playing with the kids, wearing plenty of sunscreen, and generally making an obnoxious pain of myself whenever possible. Ah vacation!

That One More Thing & Then Off to OBX

Whew, I think I've done everything I need to do before leaving for the annual family vacation. From experience, it's important to empty the kitchen trash & clean that last dish before a week away from home. Trust me on this one! I've got about an hour before I need to run some last-minute errands (return some books to the library, stop at the bank...) then grab Slick at work and begin our trip.

We're off to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. It's become a family tradition.

It's a 9-hour trip and yet we don't leave the state. It's just that we live in the SW corner and we're driving to the NE corner & up a barrier island. We leave now and stop in a hotel so we can get there ahead of the traffic. If we don't hit Kittyhawk by noon, the drive can be extended by an hour or two. There are few things worse than driving for 8+ hours and be in sight of the last bridge only to get stuck in snarled traffic.

Well, you could be my sister. She spent 10+ hours in the car last year only to hit the traffic and have the AC go out in her Blazer. And last year we had the heat wave. So, the inside of her SUV must have been insane.

I've got the laptop packed and might blog a little. Still, the goal is to drink my fill of family (especially my niece & nephew) to the point where I can't stand any of them. ;-)

Bad Marketing Decision

So today's Road Runner bill came and once again proves the general stupidity of corporations.

On the front and back of my bill is an ad for the new "Lighting-Fast!" service. On the back it specifically states "Road Runner has increased its speed but not its price." This is eye-catching marketing that is perfect for customers like myself who do online gaming, music & video streaming and frankly live in front of my computer. A friend who works for TWC has hinted to me that the company has been increasing it's bandwidth for all customers. This I assume is to help deal with the rising tide of FioS. I opened the notice expecting to see details relevant to me.

Except, when I open my bill there's a notice inside that states "Attention High Speed Internet Customers." Uh oh! Seems they are raising my rate by 6%. In other words, in the same mail that they advertise an increase in service w/out a rate increase I get a rate increase. WTF? My urge to call customer service was HIGH! Since I once worked in customer service, I stopped myself.

There is good news. The speed increase already happened. I noticed it a few weeks ago. They increased us to 7Mbps from 5. And my experience with TWC/Road Runner has been very good. In 3+ years, I can still count a handful of real service outages or problems. In those rare situations where I've had to deal with them, customer service has always been helpful. And, they are still the only viable game in town for me. We have DSL in the area, but it's only the 3Mbps service. Since we don't have home phone service, we would have to pay too much to justify the loss in bandwidth.

Sigh! I'm just not happy when I get bullshit in the mail. I also think that the juxtaposition of that advertisement with a notice about a bill increase demonstrates internal problems with the company. It shows that different departments aren't talking. That's never a good sign to a customer.

Torture

I caught this great commentary on Slate today concerning the connections between the Bush Administration's use of torture & the character of Jack Bauer on tv's "24."

Our torture policy has deeper roots in Fox television than the Constitution

This is a great read and another example of learning the wrong lessons from books & tv. It also reminded me of a post I made last year about Batman & torture.

Batman Tortures His Enemies Too

This got me thinking about the latest Batman "lesson."

There is a great scene in the new Dark Knight movie where Batman pounds the snot out of the Joker in police lock-up. Many have commented that there was a lot of symbolism throughout the movie and specifically this scene. Perhaps, but the scene itself is not new to the Batman mythos. Nor are the results. The results are tainted, mixed with half-truths and leave a scar on everyone involved. That's the one reality that we can take from this fiction. It's one of the many lessons that Batman taught me through the years: Yeah, you can use ends to justify the means, but get ready to face the consequences.

But, I guess John Yoo doesn't read/watch enough Batman.

Graphic Novels at the Library!

Months ago, the Queen mentions to me that her Library (she's head of her town's library board & volunteers there every week) has a huge selection of graphic novels located in the "Teen" fiction section. Today, when Slick and I were at ours, we looked. Sure enough, they had a huge collection of Manga and a decent sized selection of Graphic Novels.

I read the first tonight. Titled Identity Crisis, it's a murder mystery involving the Justice League. Imagine someone knows the identities of all the superheroes and decides to target and kill their loved-ones. Imagine that the murders are so well-orchestrated that it perplexes them all, even Batman. Who will die next? What lengths will the heroes go through to protect their own?

Under this mystery lies another one, perhaps even darker than one than the threat of more deaths. How far do capes really go to protect their identities? How many lies are told to protect Truth, Justice & the families behind the mask?

Brad Meltzer scribes a masterpiece. Rags Morales & Michael Bair bring it to life. Check for it at your local library. If they don't have it, then it's totally worth the money to buy it for your own collection. It was so good, I'm almost sorry I know the ending now.

Boycott this Jacksass

I try really hard to ignore the shit that comes out of the mouths of so-called radio & television personalities. But, I unfortunately couldn't escape this story. Conservative radio host Michael Savage made a horrendous comment about Autism. Here's the AP story:

Radio host angers parents of autistic children

My nephew is autistic. He's not faking. My sister & her family aren't being put on. His comments spit in my sister's face. She agonizes daily with visiting doctors, getting special care in school and trying to figure out out to potty train a 6-year old who can't talk. It puts a strain on the entire family. My sister and her husband work full-time as pastors & they care for the Silent Prince while still trying to give my niece the attention she deserves.

What makes Savage extra-evil is that he had an opportunity to apologize for his remarks and would not. I'm going to try really hard and pray for Savage. In the meantime, I hope he loses his job. Shit like this just makes me angry.

Snake Eating It's Own Tail

The most important lesson I learned working for that big mutual fund company was the way things interconnect. The economy is like a game of pick-up-sticks. Move something & everything changes. Change something & everything must adjust. Examples are everywhere. Our economy is dependent on illegal immigration. Change (or enforce) the law and ripples occur. Growers can't find cheap labor, crops don't get picked, grocery prices go up.

Some consequences are expected, others are not. Cities put in traffic cameras. Then officials are shocked - shocked I say - when the program actually deters crime. People actually don't blow through traffic lights. The cameras have to be shut down because they aren't turning a profit. The goal wasn't to deter traffic violations, it was to make money on them.

And now we have the unexpected cost of higher gas prices. Road Kill. "As Americans buy less gas, they're inadvertently cutting into the money for highway projects." That's right, it's all interconnected and not in a good way. Our oil-economy has a stranglehold on us. We pull a stick and the whole structure shakes. There are two ways to deal with this. We can behave like addicts and focus on finding more oil at any cost OR we can follow Brazil's example and transform our energy program.

What's our goal? Holding onto what we had or maintaining American's place as the greatest nation on earth?

Not A Superhero Movie

As per my sister's request, a review of Batman.

Slick and I saw the Dark Knight tonight. Not since the time Crash & I saw Blackhawk Down have I left a movie speechless. We were in the car before I could utter a single word about the film and that was to say "I'm not sure."

It was not a superhero movie. It was a gritty, violent morality play. It's hard to even talk about it for fear of giving things away. I feel comfortable telling you this: The events of the previous movie left the a gaping hole in the criminal power-structure. Batman & his allies have been scrambling to fill that void with law & order. Instead a new player has appeared, one that is chaos incarnate. His name is the Joker.

I will set aside the hype over Ledger's final performance. Yes, he was amazing. Yes, it was chilling. This is the Joker that I know and hate (because saying I love him would be so wrong.) This is not some clown prince of crime. This is the the same vision of Joker that killed Jason Todd & paralyzed Barbara Gordon. This is a sadist who plays with knives & bombs.

The story that director Christopher Nolan tells here is more akin to something you see trying late in the winter movie season. It strives to be an Oscar film. It feels more at home with movies like Unforgiven & Mystic River than it does with Ironman & Hancock. Like Eastwood's Unforgiven turned the western on it's heels, so does Batman forever change the landscape of supposed superhero movies.

A warning to potential viewers. You can not watch this film without feeling the utter hopelessness that Bruce Wayne faces. You can not avoid the shocking morality play. It is not for the faint of heart. I almost couldn't believe that Hollywood allowed them to make a movie about the Dark Knight.

I assumed that it would eventually swing back to a traditional summer blockbuster. I assumed we would see something of the Batman that Tim Burton envisioned. It never happened and I'm still shocked about that. This is makes Frank Miller's Batman almost cheery. I'm still wondering what all those sheep in the audience thought they were going to see. I'm still wondering what THEY thought after it was all over.

Frankly, I'm not sure I do.

P.S. Watchmen trailer FTW!!!

Like Saying Goodbye to an Old Friend

Philly's Spectrum to be demolished

My mother-in-law told me about it on the phone the other day, but it didn't have the nostalgic effect this article had. Oh the times I spent in that building.

I saw Dr J, Moses Malone, Maurice Cheeks, Andrew Toney & Bobby Jones play for Billy Cunningham the year they won the championship. Fo Fo Fo!

My dad took me to several Sixers games every year. When I was really little we used to ride the Broad Street Subway home. I also remember when we all loading up in the church bus and sat in the cheap seats to see Magic & Showtime or Bird & McHale. Growing up, it seemed like my father was always busy, always at a meeting or something, but we always had the Sixers.

See kids, back then dunking was the occasionally used art-form. Players could actually shoot. They knew how to dribble without palming the ball every other bounce. AND, they wore really short shorts.

It was during one of those games that my father realized I needed glasses. I borrowed someone's binoculars and didn't want to give them back. The next day he took me to get my eyes checked.

Rocky was filmed at the Spectrum.

Before Comcast SportsNet there was PRISM.

Remember that famous last-second shot by Christian Laettner in 1992 against Kentucky. Yeah, that was in the Spectrum. No, I wasn't there, but man do I remember that shot.

In highschool, I had floor seats for Aerosmith. That was increadible.

On the other hand, in college we had the worst seats for Rush. NothingKnew's ex got a really bad headache from the "contact high." I remember having to drive her car back to school. I can't for the life of me remember where he was. I just remember that it rained like a muth%#$& on the Northeast Extension that night.

I remember when my friend Jason scored us Flyers tickets just behind the Ranger's bench one season and the two of us spending the whole time banging the glass. I can't remember who won, but I do remember being glad there was glass between me and them. I swear it wasn't me who threw the beer!

The Spectrum was also the place where some seats had "obstructed views." What does that mean? These were seats that were partially blocked by a wall or stairwell. Seriously, there were spots in the stands where paying customers could not see sections of the floor, ice, concert stage. Can you imagine something like that in one of today's modern arenas?

I'm sure that I'm feeling the same way about the Spectrum as older Philadelphians felt about Convention Hall. How is it that the Colosseum of Rome was used for over 500 years & still stands today, but the Spectrum only made it 42 years? They just don't make 'em the way they used to...

DvD Night Rentals

Maybe you missed them at the box-office. Maybe you never even heard of them. Here are some great movie-night options for the geek with a home-theater...

House of Flying Daggers (2004) - This visually stunning martial-arts "wire-fu" movie is part revolution, part love-story. A must for Crouching Tiger fans.

3:10 to Yuma (2007) - Christian Bale & Russell Crowe star in this violent wild-west tale about an insane outlaw the quiet family man who tries to bring him to justice. A must for wild-west fans & for fans of these actors.

Dan in Real Life (2007) - Steve Carell stars in this romantic comedy that you may have missed last year. Meet Dan, a single dad who's a little too devoted to his daughters.

Night at the Museum (2006) - Totally silly pop-corn comedy. Don't take it seriously and you'll love it. Also a good family flick. Ben Stiller becomes a night-watchman at a museum that comes to life. Insanity follows.

And now, movies that you must absolutely NOT rent. They are bad, worse and just plain wasted crap.

Jumper (2008) - The previews for this movie suck SciFi geeks in even after seeing how bad the reviews are. It can't be that bad, right? Wrong! As a SciFi concept, it's awesome. SciFi channel would have done a better job doing it as one of their made-for-tv giant killer snake movies. It's just bad, bad, bad! I nearly walked out of my own living room.

Stealth (2005) - It's got Jamie Foxx, jet fighters & artificial intelligence gone bad. It's like live-action anime. It's gotta be fun, right? Absolutely not. Jessica Biel can not act. Jamie Foxx is wasted. This movie makes Top Gun look like academy awards material. In fact, if you need to see navy jets, go rent that instead.

The Last Legion (2007) - Pre-Arthurian legend material? Sword fighting? Mr Darcy & Ghadi? (Colin Firth & Ben Kingsley) Why it sounds absolutely like the kind of movie the wife and I would love to rent for a lazy summer weekend. Except that it's OMG bad! If you're going to make up the story of Uther Pendragon and use a big budget to do it, at least have the courtesy to make the movie good.

Mindless Activities for the Homebound Geek

A very good friend of mine is sick and stuck at home. The Dr thinks it's Mono, but the tests aren't back yet. Effectively quarantined and living hundreds of miles from all his friends and family, he's going stir crazy. He's got just enough energy to need mental stimulation but not enough to really do much. I know what he's going through. He can only play so much World of Warcraft. He can only watch so many reruns on TV. He need distractions. So, for him and the rest of my readers, I present just a few mindless activities for the home-bound geek. And yes, I've mentioned many of these in the occasional post.

Netflix
Start with a Netflix membership. The 3-movies at a time deal is the best balance between cost & movies. It also allows for access to the online library. I recommend stupid action, anime & scifi. Serious films just add to the potential for depression. Consider a Babylon 5 marathon. Skip season 5. He actually already got the Netflix subscription today & I sent him a list of movies.

Read the following online comics
PvP - Follow the crazy adventures of the staff of a fictional gaming magazine. Find the archive and start from the begining.
XKCD - The comic that's smarter than you are. If you don't get the joke, you probably don't have a degree in science. Read it anyway.
User Friendly - The staff of this Canadian ISP and their pet "Dustpuppy" who formed in the server farm.
Questionable Content - The life of 20-somethings who hang out in a coffee shop and talk about music. It's wrong, funny and highly addictive. You will be sucked in. You must start in the archive.
Full Frontal Nerdity - Four geeks who play way too much D&D.
The Order of the Stick - The most unusual adventuring party you've ever seen.
ExtraLife - The imagination of Scott Johnson unfolds before us in a single panel. Part gaming reviewer, part social comentator, part insane, all Scott...

Marvel Digital Comics Unlimited
Consider a one-month membership ($10) to access hundreds of issues from Marvel's comicbook line. Slick got me a 1-year subscription 6-months ago and I still haven't put a dent in it. They have huge selections from the "giants" of the Marvel universe including the X-Men, Spiderman & the Avengers. You can choose to read stuff from the early days or catch up on the events from M-Day & Civil War.

Classic VideoGame Rewind
Somewhere in your house there's a videogame that you loved so much that you tucked it away. Does it still work with your hardware? Do you still have that copy of CivIII? What about Fable or Tiger Woods for that old Xbox you're using as an extra DvD player in the den? Dust them off and have at it!

It's not TV, it's Hulu
Even if you have Digital Cable or Satellite sometimes there's just nothing on. Try Hulu. This online "channel" has an ever-growing line-up of reruns & movies. The average show has 5 very short (30-sec) commercial breaks. Catch episodes of Buffy or watch Ghostbusters.

Feel better my friend. If anyone else has suggestions or ideas, please share them.

That F@#%er!

White House: Bush to lift offshore drilling ban

Is it too late for a double-impeachment? Surely Nancy can run the government until January...or at least do a better job than the current occupant. WTF?!? Yeah, gas is $4.04 down the street. I'm sure it's even higher elsewhere. More off-shore drilling does NOTHING to current gas price. Long-term conversion of our energy infrastructure to sustainable & environmentally friendly resources is our best shot. We need more fuel-efficient vehicles NOW. The little-three could have planned ahead and gotten here first. Imagine if Ford or Crysler had invested in Prius-like concepts 10 years ago in preparation for this day? What happened to this country's innovation? It didn't all go into the computer industry, did it?

For over a decade my wife (who claims to know nothing about geo-politics) has been saying that we are headed for a paradym shift in the way that Americans (& the world) live. Our extravagant, gas-guzzling, credit-fueled days are numbered. If she saw this 10 years ago, before the gas crisis, the housing crisis & Bush's War, how did the people in Washington miss it? We could have delt with this with vision & direction. Instead we're running around like Chicken Little and making things worse.

Sigh!

I need a hug & a solar array!

The New Captain's Chair

The aches and pains the last few weeks have made me really consider proper ergonomics. I thought I had done a good job, but the old setup just wasn't cutting it. As reported, I got a trackball earlier this week. I've also been looking at my overall setup. My conclusions? Change was needed. Slick and I talked about it and concurred it was time for me to look for a better chair. My big concern was cost. I've never spent more than $100 on a desk chair before. There was no way we were going to drop $700-1k on one of those fancy chairs like my old company got me when I was on partial disability. (Lord, I wish I could have taken that thing with me.)

Anyway, Slick and I went out and found a great chair for much less than I expected. It's got everything I need: Adjustable arm support, head rest, lumbar support. Heck, it's so nice that Office Depot was nearly sold out across the region.

The Captain's Chair

We also got a keyboard tray/arm, but the chair adjusts so well I'm taking it back. It's sad how excited I am about office furniture.

Utterly Random Post

4th o' July...

...was freaking awesome. Another "geek" couple came to visit us this weekend. I made a ton of "healthy" food. We talked until late into the evening each night. We played fun, silly board games & hours of Zombie Flux. Flux is a card game with ever-changing rules. Zombie Flux is Flux only w/ Zombies. It's an awesomely fun time drinking wine, talking about our pets (that's what couples w/out kids do) and making Zombie sounds.

Who's On First?...

...Well, it's not Ryan Howard. The National League has a "good problem" when 3 of it's best players all play the same position. You can't keep Lance Berkman out of the All Star Game this year. Pujols is batting .346! I love Howard, but he strikes out too much in the face of that competition.

Trackball...

...Well, I finally caved and am swapping to a trackball. My hands hurt almost all the time. Using a trackball should help. I've gone with the Logitech Trackman Wheel Optical mouse based on a number of good user reviews and word-of-mouth. It grips like an ergonomic mouse and the scroll button is surprisingly smooth. Video-gaming could take some time to get used to.

Robert Plant & Alison Krauss...

...Thank you Pandora Internet Radio. I heard about this team-up, but I hadn't heard anything yet. I was listening to Pandora while reading the news this morning & Your Long Journey came on. I rushed over to iTunes (my sister gave me iTunes for Christmas) and got the whole album.

Elton Brand...

...Signed with the Sixers this week. This is exciting. They are a young and improving squad. Brand's addition could get them out of the first round this year. They are probably too young to make an honest run at the title, but it's still exciting. Brand's experience should help this young team.

Feeling...

Better than the other week. I got over the really bad spell barely in time for the 4th. Thanks goes to Slick who forced me to rest instead of helping her w/ our seasonal mega-cleaning. I feel really bad about not helping wash all those nooks and crannies around the house.

Happy Birthday Tom Cruise

File under weird shit that I remember. Today is Tom Cruise's birthday. Why do I know this? Way back in 1989, he played Ron Kovic in the movie Born on the 4th of July. I remember, oddly enough, the interview he gave while promoting the film. It bothers me that I can remember the birthday of this nut-job, but have to look up my niece's birthday.

I have a love-hate relationship with the "trappings" of the 4th. I'm big on our country's history (especially the Revolutionary War,) consider myself Patriotic and love the Constitution. I dislike drunk people with fireworks and never got into parades (Unless it's the Mummers.)

Anyway, back to Tom. Ever since he went off the deep end, I won't see his movies. Frankly, I can't emotionally separate the idiot from the actor anymore. Still, Born on the 4th of July was a powerful film when I saw it at the tender age of 16.

To this day, the story of Ron Kovic serves as a reminder to me about innocence lost and the dangers of clinging to the flag. America is never as bad as it's detractors suggest, but it's also never as good as the Zealots want us to believe. Kovic's story is also one that should, perhaps, be re-introduced to today's generation. Already, the news is too filled with horror stories about injured Iraq Vets receiving inadiquate care. The past repeats.

We the People, at least on the surface, are doing a better job of honoring our soldiers. Brave men and women are not returning to angry and hateful attacks on their honor. Unfortunately, we're imbroiled in another wasteful conflict with no end in sight.

Tomorrow, we pause to reflect, to celebrate, to BBQ in honor of a hard-faught dream. Our challenge tomorrow (and everyday) is to honor our country while still holding it to a higher standard.

Oh, and happy birthday Tom.

Frustration

After our trip north last month, my body needed time to recuperate. We all knew it would. Over the next few weeks I was feeling "OK." I spent a lot of time functioning at about 80%. This meant I was able to relax, sleep, have fun & still get a few things accomplished. Since I wasn't feeling super, I reserved more and more time for fun and left projects like yard-work & home repair sit idle.

Well, weeks went by and I never really got my groove back. In fact, on Friday things just got worse. My body is in full-blown pain. I know this because I caught myself taking my 3rd painkiller of the day yesterday. Most days I don't take any. Some days I have to take 1 or 2. Three means I'm miserable.

This makes me look back at the last month in disgust. I could have paced myself in June and accomplished projects when I could have managed them a piece at a time. Now, there's no way I'm doing any of the yard work. Slick will have to clean the kitchen before our guests arrive for the 4th.

There's only one thing left to do now. I must find a distraction and I must relax. My body is so tense that even my shoulders feel like they are numb and asleep. The pain-killers (when I've taken them for several days) start to make me feel nauseated. So, I absolutely need to stop feeling bad.

PS. It should be noted that June was (once I stop feeling frustrated about it) a good month. My health was better than worse. Slick & I have been having a lot of fun. Until this weekend, I've been really excited about the summer. I'm still excited. We have friends visiting for the 4th of July. We have vacation with my family. We have vacation with Slick's family. My uncle is visiting in Sept. It'll be a great summer. I just have to get through this first.

USA Men's Olympic Basketball Squad

So, I know most of you don't care about hoops. Even less of you care about Team USA. The roster (barring injury) has been announced and I don't like it. The good news is that the roster is a group of committed players instead of a "throw them all together like a summer league and hope they can play." The bad news is there's only one true center, Dwight Howard. Howard is a force and international play is a more wide-open game, but I don't like it.

The confusing part is that the team has 3 point guards and several other players who can effectively run an offense. LeBron James has competed in the skills test during All Star weekend. Dwyane Wade is a shooting guard that has played the point position effectively. So, essentially half the team are ball-handlers.

I expect Carlos Boozer and Chris Bosh will have to both split time as the 2nd Center. This leaves a team that could easily have 3 guards on the floor with no true center & James or Melo playing in the 4-spot.

Not sure how I feel about this team. It's probably because I believe in defense & solid paint play.

The Sound of Silence

Posey just emailed me asking why I haven't posted in nearly 2 weeks. I was admittedly confused at first. I haven't written anything since the 12th? WTF? I looked in my notebook & my google documents folder. Not much there either. Usually, I have scraps of story ideas or blog post ideas.

The lack of posts hasn't been intentional. Honestly, I just lost track time. Nothing noteworthy has occurred in my life. I swear, I'm in limbo this month. It's been alternating between too hot or too rainy to work in the yard. I've been in too much pain or too much fatigue to get into any significant projects. There hasn't been anything in the news that has made me just rush to the computer and type.

I have been reading a lot, but it's mostly Cooking Light, Marvel Digital Comics, Blogs. No real books. I can post about these activities, I just haven't been...for no apparent reason. The most interesting stuff has been occurring with my World of Warcraft crew, but that's not a soap-opera I care to write about right now. Yes, large disfunctional social group dynamics are blog-worthy, but no...

So, there you have it. Not much of an excuse for those of you who are on the constant go.

It's Log

This limb was lying between my shed and my fence

At about 5:30PM EDT on Wed a massive storm with cheerios-sized hail and tree-snapping wind came rushing through my neighborhood. This sizable tree-branch landed inches from my fence and feet from my back shed. Broken branches littered the street this morning and several of my neighbors reported fallen limbs but no property damage.

The storm was bad enough that the hail was hitting the windows on all 4 sides of the house. But, it was the sounds of wood snapping that sent the dog and I downstairs to sit by the closet under the stairs. Trust me, if you had heard that noise and felt the house shake like I did, you would have done the same thing.

Slick was driving home at the time and hit the hail-storm at the edge of town. Thankfully, she wasn't coming down the street when the wind was knocking over trees. Still, I quickly moved the ladder and tools from the middle of the garage so she could park. Major thunderstorms rolled through all evening long, but none of it was as bad as those first 10 minutes.

It's So Hot...

I'm going to complain about the heat. (And yes I know my friends and family up north got hit with the heatwave over the weekend. So, I know you sympathize.)

Triple-digit temperatures for several days straight is just painful for the beginning of June. I think that the online temp topped out at 103-deg today. Both the internet & my bedroom thermometer tell me it's 102 outside now at 5PM. My deck thermometer gets late afternoon sun and it's reading off the scale (it stops at 120.) I went out to walk the dog at 8:30 and it was already in the upper 80's. I guess it's time to start exercising at dawn.

I had yard-work planned this week, but I'm not doing squat until the heat breaks. It's hot enough that the AC is running non-stop just to keep the house at 78-80. I've taken to lounging in my shorts drinking iced-tea. The dog has discovered that the guest bathroom floor is cool. I'm half-tempted to join him (or give in and lower the thermostat a few more degrees.)

If this is what the whole summer's going to be like, I'm moving to Maine or Alaska.

NVidia vs ATI

I was going to go into one of my signature rants but I've decided to keep it simple. Most of my readership doesn't care about computer stuff anyway...

Slick and I are running nearly identical Dell Inspiron 530 computers. The key difference in the model of video cards. She's got the NVidia 8600 GT & I've got the ATI Radeon HD 2400. Both are 256 Meg cards. Both support dual DVI inputs. I'm here to tell you that hers works better.

The NVidia card allows for a dual monitor (digital & analog) setup at their maximum resolution & refresh right out of the box. It ran perfectly out of the box, even on a Vista machine.I could even run World of Warcraft (windowed) on one monitor while streaming video on the other.

The ATI card has required me to do 2 complicated reinstall of the drivers to fix mouse pointer problems and refresh issues. At maximum resolution of 1680x1050 on my Samsung 20" Wide SyncMaster 205BW, video will blink off and on occasionally. This was especially painful in the middle of playing a video game. When a second monitor is added in this config, the on-card cooling fan immediately becomes over-taxed. Even though the monitor and card are rated for 1680x1050 (note that the monitor works fine on her NVidia card) the only viable fix is to lower the Samsung to 1280x768.

The Control Center for ATI crashed after one of the driver patches and I could not restore it. After hours of research on their tech forums (it's a known issue) I learned that the easiest solution was to uninstall their center and just use the driver and the regular video control panel.

It's not that the ATI is a bad card. Now that I've finally (hopefully) got everything working, I'm satisfied. I'm just more impressed with the NVidia card. Everything I've read suggests that it's the best "low-end" performance graphics card out there. (I wanted to link the article I saw comparing it's performance to more expensive cards but I can't find it now.)

Dumb, Stupid & The DNC

So, the DNC has finally decided how to deal with the Florida & Michigan delegate issue by seating 1/2 the delegates. This thing was a cluster-f&#k from the word go. If the morons running the show in Florida & Michigan had simply stuck with the schedule, their respective state voters may have had a major impact on the nomination choice. Instead, they have successfully given us a mess that solidifies Florida's place in voting history...and not in a good way.

I for one think that all these votes are tainted. For all practical purposes, Clinton ran unopposed in Michigan. How is that fair and democratic? And if I lived in Florida, I would have skipped primary day. Why waste my time? This is situational dynamics tainting results in the worst way. If this were a scientific study, these states would have been scrapped as sources of bad data. Instead, this is politics and we're somehow stuck with them. It almost makes me miss the good old days of the hanging chad.

Even if I were a Clinton supporter, I would not want these votes counted. Yes, the party-faithful in these states got screwed. Yes, an angry mob should run their committees out of town with pitchforks & torches. I recommend driving them into the Gulf & Lake Michigan. Rules, last time I checked, are rules. They were told not to vote early but they did anyway. The whole thing makes "us" look bad. We do want to win the election in Nov, right?!?

The only fair and just way to count these votes was (and still is) a recount. Yes, even a recount would be skewed by the events causing a different mix of voters. But, it's a lot better than the tainted, partial vote & divisive compromise we have now.

Sword of Kings & Groomsmen

And now, without further ado, I present to you Anduril - Sword of King Aragorn (& LRNs.)

A Pocket Full of Posey

Another one of my college crew has started a personal blog about life, family and walking in memory of Karen. I didn't want to pressure her so I haven't added her to my blogroll. But, she's been posting for several weeks and it looks like she's serious. So, here's my official shout-out to her! She's one of my dearest friends and a lot smarter than I am. If she keeps it up, she'll probably have a better blog than mine.

Keep it up!

A Pocket Full of Posey

My Favorite Rub

As noted on my last post, I'm finally caving to pressure and posting some stuff on cooking. Due to repeated recipe requests, I'm going to start with Jamaican Jolt.

Jamaican Jolt
From the Barbecue! Bible: Sauces, Rubs & Marinades by Steve Raichlen

• 2/3 cup (packed) dark brown sugar
• 1/2 cup coarse salt
• 1/4 cup freeze-dried chives
• 2 tablespoons freshly ground black pepper
• 2 tablespoons onion powder I actually use onion flakes
• 2 tablespoons garlic powder
• 1 to 4 teaspoons chili powder
• 1 tablespoon dried thyme
• 2 teaspoons ground allspice
• 2 teaspoons ground coriander
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 2 teaspoon dried ginger
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
• 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Just mix this stuff up and put it into a small container. Sprinkle a little on your chicken or pork before grilling. It works best if you put it on 20-30 minutes before cooking, but I've tossed it on moments before cooking with great success.

A note about salt and sugar: Both are really central to the rub. But fear not! This is a fairly large batch of rub. The actual amount of used in an actual meal isn't much. Still, I've found that the salt can be reduced (use 1/4 cup instead) without ruining the meal.

Here's a 30 minute meal for you. It's one of Slick's favorite meals.

Grilled Pork with Rice & Spinach Salad

• Boneless Pork - cubed
• Skewers (metal or wooden)
  
• Jolt seasoning
• Rice
• Spinach Salad
  

Spinach Salad

• Spinach
• Red Onions
• Mixed Peppers
• Carrots
• Dried Cranberries
• Feta Cheese
• Olive Oil
• Balsamic Vinegar

Start rice & fire up the gas grill. Take some boneless pork chops, cube them, sprinkle the seasoning on them and skewer them. (Note: if you use wooden skewers, make sure to pre-soak them in water so they don't burn.) Set those aside. Chop veggies for salad. When rice is mostly done, cook the pork-kabobs on high heat turning often. It should only take 5-10 minutes. Toss the salad w/ oil & vinegar. Serve the pork right on top of the rice and salad on side. It's quick, easy & a surprisingly healthy meal.

A note about the collective works of Steven Raichlen: Raichlen's Barbecue Bible series is a must read for grill & BBQ enthusiasts. He also has a PBS show called "BBQ-U" which has taught me a lot about how to manage grill-heat both from my gas & charcoal grills. Almost all of my best BBQ recipes are either inspired by or directly from his books. I don't care if you've been grilling for years or are brand-new to it. You will learn something from him.

New Label Topic

Various friends and family have been asking me to give them some of my recipes. These requests range from my BBQ rubs & wings to quick & healthy dinner menus. Some stuff is from books and some are my own creations. The difficulty with the stuff from books & magazines is the copyright rules. I will give credit where due and hope that's enough.

Then there's the stuff I've created. Frankly, I cook like I live. I create and I experiment. If I come up with something good, I repeat it. My chili is never the same twice. I rarely measure. So, writing stuff down is going to be a challenge. Still, my best meals involve simple, "mostly" healthy, natural & fresh ingredients. This should translate well.

Finally, a note to the anti-salt crowd. I use it. I also use sugar. Since I avoid salt, processed foods & sugar for every other meal, I don't worry about this kind of stuff. I will try and note when these ingredients are optional & when they are IMHO required.

The new label is called "Eats" after the Alton Brown show "Good Eats."

Next post...my favorite rub.

Because It's A Small World Afterall

Yesterday we went to church w/ the Queen & flyDad. They've been bugging us to meet their pastor...long story for another time... Anyway, the pastor's son was being baptized, so another pastor was visiting to help. In an "it's a small world" turn of events, the visiting pastor was the associate pastor from St Matthews, York. Yes that's right, the church we were at on Saturday for Avouz's wedding. We all got a chuckle telling him that he has a nice church.

She Got Carded and Complained to Daddy

Baby, I know you're Irish and this is an Irish Pub,
but you're not getting Guinness!
Now drink your juice!

I'm usually a shutter bug, but I sadly didn't get a lot of shots this weekend. I was too busy. I hope this little gem makes it all up to you. I've got one or two others I might post.

Safely Married - No Fights Broke Out

Well, Avouz is married. I must now work on a pseudonym for the new bride.

The wedding was held in an old-style big Pennsylvanian Lutheran Church with high arches and marble steps to the wall-fixed alter. The groomsmen and "associates" took over the church library for the entire afternoon. It was more than just a hangout, it was a base of operations. I even wrangled a "lackey" to run errands for our group. The best man's tie is missing, call the lackey! The groom forgot to bring socks, send the lackey. Poor guy drove all over streets he's seen once, with me calling him every few minutes with more instructions.

I could go on about the wedding itself...which was very nice...but let's skip it (good and bad) and move on to the party.

The bartender was rather liberal with the drinks. Rum & Coke? Where's the coke? A friend got the strongest Cosmo I've ever been in the same room with. WHEW!

But hell, I'm alive and home (at my inlaws) I have been released from my duties. I simply must get my tux to any Men's Warehouse Tux Location tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I am responsible for NOTHING. We're going to church in the morning and getting together w/ Cainam in the afternoon. I'm not driving or making the plans. I'm totally along for the ride. Their only instruction is to make my day easy and relaxing as possible.

OK, I took my pain-killers and a sleep-aid before I started writing this. They are both definitely working. I can't wait to read this post in the morning.

When I'm more coherent, I will work on some posts with details an maybe even some pictures.

The Final Countdown!

Worst song ever!

But I digress...


On Wednesday, Avouz & I met up at the "Wagon Wheel" Park City, window-shopped, ate dinner then drove into scenic Lititz. No really! There's a movie theater on Airport Rd now. It's actually got stadium seating & DLP screens. It might be the nicest theater I've ever been in. It was just a surreal experience. If you drive up 501 from Lancaster and turn onto Airport road, you get the feeling like you're going to a movie theater in the middle of nowhere. You've got the airport, some warehouses, a field and then in the middle of "nothing" a movie theater. Anyway, Go Speed Racer, Go!

I picked up Avouz as planned on Thursday @ noon. We did the tux fittings, dealt with the first of the mistakes and delays then we shuffled on off to Arundel Mills.

As with any of these group events, there were "hickups." Thankfully, I'm happy to report that Avouz and I only made "wrong-lane followed by U-turn" mistakes. We weren't the ones who went to the wrong mall or didn't hit the road until after the proposed meeting time. Meh, shit happens. Nobody died, got arrested or arrived so late that they missed the fun.

DuClaws Brewery was great. The "samplers" came with twice the beer I expected. My understanding friends helped me drink them. Had I known ahead of time, I would have preferred to simply get a glass of the Naked Fish. This was an amazingly smooth porter with a surprisingly fruity aroma & taste. It provided everything I want in a good, I just want one, beverage.

DuClaws' website actually provided the most headache for the group. Remember the wrong mall comment? Well, two of our party followed the google-maps link and got directions to one of their other locations. Still, in the grand scheme of things, this not-so-little mistake provided the most laughs of the night.

I will never forget watching the groom wandering the mall (we could all see him from our window seats at the restaurant) wearing his Virginia Tech garter proudly on his sleeve as he searched for his missing future bro-in-law. I thought I was going to fall out of my chair when this "older" woman stopped dead in her tracks and just stared at him. The other laughs were all directed at poor Cainam. Since this is nothing new for our group, I'll move on.

To maintain the air of mystery, I'll refrain from sharing the rest of our bachelor party story. Just know that it was at Dave & Busters. I mean, how much trouble can we really get into there?

Friday by 1PM, I was dead on my feet. By 3ish, Allen recognized that I wasn't moving very fast. My body was shutting down and I was really starting to wonder how I would get through the rest of the day. The good news is that the Best Man showed up and took over. They got me an iced tea and some fries (really fresh-cut fries) from one of those fancy burger joints (name escapes me.) This gave me just enough energy to survive the rehearsal and get to the Irish pub for dinner. I'm not sure how I had the energy to get "home" to my in-laws. flyDad is the man and took care of a bunch of stuff for me so I could just collapse. And the Queen showed up from her party just in time to sew a button on the monkey suit for me. I'm definitely going to be in pain today, but it was worth it. Besides, I just have to block it out until tonight. Tomorrow, I can be a complete zombie if need. Slick will be here to take care of me!

OK, I'd write more, but it's nearly time for me to get cleaned up and put on the monkey suit. Pictures are at noon and I've got a bit of a drive to get there. It's a thankfully cool morning.

Oh wait, I've got to tell you about the gifts! We got replicas of Anduril, the sword of Aragon from Lord of the Rings. I'll try to take a picture this week.

More later...

Mission Impossible

For the next three days my job is to help preserve the last vestiges of Avouz' sanity. I do this as a wedding gift for his future bride. I just remember how much joy I got from driving my wife insane and I was to give her the same thrill.

The problem with this mission impossible is today. What the hell are we going to do today? He's in York & I'm in Akron. There's nothing but huge tracks of Amish Farms and Outlet Shopping for miles. There's something less than exciting about driving to the Park City Mall in Lancaster.

I'll let you know how it goes.

On the Road Again

Random road observations...

If a small truck pulls into the left lane going 5-10 miles under the speed limit and can't pass the large truck, thus backing up traffic behind me, how many miles should I wait before I pour it on and thread the needle between them? 1 mile? 2 miles? 5 miles? And should I present my finger against the window or out the window?

French Canadian School Buses spawn in Georgia and then migrate north up I81 to Ontario in groups of 6-12. I passed them twice (doggy-rest stop breaks) and I've already forgotten the French word for stop.

Southern cars form packs. The fast moving cars move in groups of three or four and like to travel at about 90 mph. The rest form herds in an attempt to avoid VA state troopers. Large trucks seem to survive the heat of mid-day by gathering in large numbers at watering holes also known as "rest areas." These rules all disappear at the PA border. In PA, all cars become autonomous creatures in a no-holds-barred, survival of the fittest, drive at your own pace war of wills.

Every time I pass exit 245 on I81 in Virginia, I must resist the urge to pull into the Starbucks there and inform them that their hours suck! How the hell can a Starbucks in a college town be closed at 10:30pm on a Thursday? Do they have any idea the pain they inflicted on me? I need closure, dammit!

$50 a tank! If every gas station for the last 200 miles in Virginia charges $3.699 for regular, how is this not price-fixing?

By driving the speed limit (+5), I can improve the Escape's gas mileage to nearly 28 mpg (Rating of 22/26 mpg). Also, in an amazing coincidence, by driving the speed limit (+5) for 9 hours, I learned the real reason I don't carry a gun.

To the three "Ugly Betty" in the compact car....Yes, my dog is cute. Yes, the "Green Linen Shirt" t-shirt is a World of Warcraft reference. Yes, we've seen each other at two separate rest-stops. Yes, we've passed each other a few times. It's because I'm driving slow to conserve gas and your POS can't go any faster. Please, stop looking over at me. I'm about to throw-up in my mouth...wait, too late.

To the guy in the old Camry...If you would hang up your phone, you may have notice that your lane-changing obsession got you nowhere for 30 minutes. That's why I stopped letting you pass me. I was sorry to see you get off the road, I hope the phone call went well after we parted ways.

Based on the billboards along the Pennsylvania turnpike, I've learned that citizens of the keystone state are deeply concerned about puppy mills, lemon laws & finding hotels. There is also a clear misunderstanding of the importance of juvenile detention centers & social workers. Clearly, the citizenry of this great commonwealth have grown in my absence.

Critics Completely Missed the Mach 5 Magic

I have seen the definition of kitchy and it's name is Speed.

The definition that means cool but cheesy...not the other ones.

Yes, I saw Speed Racer this weekend, just like you knew I would. Was there a doubt? Do you know how large my matchbox car (hotwheels for today's crowd) collection was as a kid?

Usually, I trust the collective wisdom of rotten tomatoes to help me plan a trip to the movies. Not this time. The critics pounded this movie to a dismal 35% freshness rating and I'm at a loss because of it. I don't think "they" got it. Did they take it too seriously? Did they miss the joke completely? The Wachowski brothers didn't go for the "serious" re-mastering like Michael Bay did with Transformers. They went totally for a really campy, video-game feel. I understood this going in and I enjoyed myself because of it.

OK, forget the commentary about movie critics. Let's get to a spoiler free review of the film.

I LOVED IT! It was fan-freaking-tastic. It truly was a live-action, modernized version of the 60's cartoon. It was dazzling and cheezy. The cars treat physics the way my father's mar martini treats vermouth...passing acknowledgment at best. Yes, everyone blows up and nobody dies. Yes, the race sequences require the visual acuity of a hockey goalie to follow. Yes, the chimp humor is over-the-top. Yes, it's a world of barely two-dimensional characters. Yes, big corporations are bad and little guys with dreams are good. Who cares?!? I loved almost every minute of it. I felt like a little kid pushing my cars around the tracks again. Racer X is da man!

If I haven't gotten through to you yet, then you've grown up a little too much. Try this...

Remember your old hotwheels race tracks? Now, picture how you imagined them, make it CGI and then make it BIGGER! Remember how you used to smash your cars up like some sort of mega-demolition derby? Make that bigger too. That's what the race tracks were like in the movie. Remember being 7 and loving Speed Racer? Discover that happy inner-child. Don't think about it. Don't go watch the old Speed Racer cartoons on Hulu. (You'll totally regret that!) Just be that kid trying to piece together enough track to launch your cars off the top of the china cabinet before your mom caught you. If you can go see Speed with that attitude, I know you'll love it.

Note: I just never had enough track or enough stuff to make a sturdy enough trestle to pull off the china cabinet jumps. Ah well.

Also, did you ever seen the myth-busters episode where they tried to race a hotwheel down a mountain road against a corvette? That's the inner child I'm talking about!

Reminds Me of Palmerton

My parents are both from small towns in the Lehigh Gap of Pennsylvania. The linked Wikipedia entry is short but informative. The below attached article immediately brought back vivid memories of visiting grandparents & family. As a kid, I would look up at the mountain from my Grandmother's place and wonder why the mountain was bare. My father told me that he grew up thinking that's how mountains are supposed to look. It was the legacy of the Zinc company. It gave the people a town and jobs, but took away it's trees.

Pollution brings end to Oklahoma mining town

Unlike the town in Oklahoma, Palmerton is still plugging away. People still live there. They still talk about the cancer rate, but they are there. The "no cruising" sign is still out on Delaware Ave. The Olympic-sized town pool is still open for business. In fact, the only thing that looked different when I was there last summer was the mountain. It had trees.

I worry about our world when I think about places like Palmerton, Picher, and most of the state of West Virginia.

Here's Your Sign

Remember my post from last month about the Church Sign in my town? Well, here's something to help you visualize. Thanks to Crash for making me this. Sorry I didn't check that email address sooner.

Here's the site he used: Church Sign Generator

Ruined Books

The following post has been scrubbed of obvious spoilers just in case...

I'm a fan of a certain pulp fiction detective series. The protagonist is a homicide detective who works with the FBI on particularly crazy serial killings. This small nugget of information may have already given away the author and series. I've been reading these books off and on for a few years. I tend to save them for summer vacation. I've even bought books from the series at random sales and stashed them away for just such a purpose. However, I've hit a bit of a snag.

Today, I went ahead and started the next book. I had to take the car in for service and knew I would have an hour+ wait. Within 30 pages I knew I had a problem. I know who done it. I'm not saying I've guessed who done it based on an intimate knowledge of the writer's style or some cliche' of the genre. Nooooo! I'm saying I know the identity of the crazy guy.

It all started 2 summers ago on our one and only European vacation. At some point I needed an extra book for the return flight. I picked up a random book from later (much later) in the series. During on of the protagonist's classic moments of introspection he pondered the events of the very case I'm attempting to read about today. In a moment of frustrating clarity, I remembered that book, the scene playing out in my head. I then remembered how I got to page 150 somewhere over the Atlantic only to discover that the book was misprinted and the next 80 pages were reprints of pages 1-80. Did I mention that my seat's video-player was broken. About 30 minutes later, the attendant finally got it fixed for me. It was then I realized that it was the same exact line-up of videos from the trip over. There I was with 4 hours to go, a ruined book, a partly working monitor shows crap I'd already watched and I couldn't even look out the window from my inner-isle seat. ARRRGGGGHHHH!!! But I digress...

I know that there's fox in the hen house. I know a bunch about what he's going to do next. I know that it's not just the book I'm reading that's tainted, but the next book as well. It's not like re-watching a movie or reading some back-issue comics to learn how it all happened. The whole point of these stories for me is trying to figure out the clues and then be right. My victory has been stolen from me. There is nothing left.

My wife suggested that I would still enjoy the books. She's probably right. But, I also confess a love-hate relationship with them. See, the author really fucks over his hero's life. Every book someone he cares about dies, gets kidnapped, beaten, stalked... I like the hero. I love his family. I don't know I want to go through all that if I already know the killer is and a little about what he's going to do.

My advice to you is to never ever read a series of mysteries or detective novels out of order unless you are 100% certain that the events will have ZERO connection to the other books.

I guess I'm headed to the library on Saturday to get something else to read on vacation.

Sedated

This is update #2 about my poor sedated doggy.

The nerves and excitement from a vet trip and children skateboarding in front of the house kept him lucid and mobile for most of the day. I noticed a bit of a walking problem, but he just pushed on. That all changed after laying by my feet while I played computer games for 3 hours tonight. We got up for the final potty-trip of the night...well, it didn't go well. We have hardwood stairs. He made it to the landing and laid down looking pathetic. I know, for a fact, that he weighs 50.8 lbs. That's about 30.8 more lbs than I'm supposed to carry, but what am I to do? I carried him outside so he could pee, then back upstairs. He's currently cuddling w/ Slick on the bed and looking extra pathetic. I'm not exactly certain where I'm sleeping tonight because unlike most nights, I can't just kick him off the bed. He may fall and hurt himself if I do.

Dog on Drugs

My dog has his annual checkup today. He's a complete spaz at the vet. His file has a warning stamp on it. Thus, we have to give him drugs before we go. Well, it's been 15 minutes and he's already acting loopy. That coupled with the 3.5 mile walk we went on this morning should calm him down a bit. I'm not looking forward to tonight when he can't walk up and down the stairs on his own.

Wish us luck!

UPDATE:

We survived! The medication might make him tired and drunk, but it also gives him a bit of anxiety. Still, he sat (with constant reminders that he was "OK" in my stupid PBS children's program voice) and waited for 5 whole minutes to go back for the exam. Then he stood on the bench next to me while I did the preliminary "how's he doing" checklist w/ the vet-tech. Some interesting things happened when they took him back for his blood-work & kennel cough meds. Not that I blame him. If I had a nose the size of a jumbo-jet, I would be offended by someone shooting stuff up my nostrils too. But he lived and nobody got bitten...not for lack of trying. I had to show them his teeth, but that's par for the course too. He sat like a good dog and waited while I paid, then drug me to the car with all his might when I said it was time to go. But, my arm is still attached, so it was clearly a good visit! Actually, it may have been the best vet visit we've ever had. He's having trouble with stairs and keeps climbing under my desk, but it'll all wear off by tomorrow.

Extraneous Star Wars Coming

Just like every geek born during the Nixon Era, I am a child of Star Wars. Many of you have heard or read my story about seeing the original "A New Hope" from my father's lap. I was 4-1/2. Talk about early life-shaping moments. iDad shakes his head in amused shame every time I mention this.

Let's face it, the prequel movies were mostly a disappointment. Still, I have embraced elements of those movies to the point where I will watch them when I get into my annual Star Wars marathon mood. Who can't love the light saber duel from Ep 1, or Yoda kicking ass in Ep 2?

Still, the true saving grace for the prequels has always been the Cartoon Network's Clone Wars series. This series of short animated episodes took place between Clones & Revenge. It marvelously tied the two together. It was so good that it made me love Revenge. Hell, it probably saved the entire prequel series for me. No discussion of or viewing of the Star Wars saga is complete without these, dare I say, pivotal cartoons.

When I watch the series, including prequels & cartoons, I feel a sense of completion. I know closure and flawed fulfillment of a childhood fantasy. It's not perfect, but it's good enough for me. I am ready for more.

Enter George Lucas...

Lucas' obsessive need to improve upon his previous works now brings us the new CGI Star Wars: The Clone Wars movie. It, by all accounts, looks stunning. The buzz on the net is palpable. My inner child/inner geek is looking forward to it. The rest of me wants to pull a Cher in Moonstruck on Lucas... *SLAP* "Snap outta it!"

Haven't we seen enough? Isn't in definitive enough for him? What does he want? Do we really need to grow attached to even more DOOMED young jedi? Yes, Ahsoka looks cute and scrappy...except for the big bullseye on her fucking head! George, if I promise to cry next time Palpatine gives Order 66, will you stop toying with my emotions?

How about something "new" George? What about the Timothy Zahn novels? I'm down with seeing Luke try to rebuild the Jedi Order & Han try to be a father. Imagine, if you will, Angelina Jolie as Mara Jade. Doesn't that singular idea drive millions of geeks to the theater? Hell, the Dark Empire graphic novels were da bomb! I'm sure you could totally ruin...I mean turn those into movies.

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Who Knew Civic Duty Could Be Romantic

It was a beautiful day today. I mean, we're talking a "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" kind of day. So this evening Slick and I walked the mile or so to our local fire station and cast our Obama votes.

The fire station wasn't very crowded when we arrived. The woman at the door suggested that we got lucky, but I could have sworn the scanner showed 314 when I slid my ballot inside. Either it resets every now and then or we had disappointing turn-out. Granted, Union County, NC is a lot like Lancaster Co, PA. The local politics are 99% Republican. We live in the region's "liberal" artsy town and Slick surmises that there may be a lot of liberals registered Republican around here so they can have a say. Already having their presidential nominee, local republicans may have stayed home. (Only Democrats & Independents can vote in the Democratic primary in NC.)

Our votes cast, we crossed the "historic" wooden bridge that spans the freight tracks and headed over to the Bridge & Rail Restaurant (local greasy spoon) for some Eastern Carolina BBQ and slaw. Of course, Slick doesn't like slaw. So, when my BBQ platter arrived w/ the slaw on the side & her BBQ sandwich came with it inside, naturally we traded.

I've come to realize that this is my real function in marriage. I'm the knight errant. I trade meals with her because I'll eat just about anything. We go out places and I bring a jacket even though I don't need one. I'll walk through spiderwebs because there's no way she's going through the door until the web is destroyed and no spider can come w/in a thousand leagues of her. I walk out and stop traffic because our town supposedly has pedestrian right of way. To put it another way, I'm clearly the expendable one. But I digress...

It was a wonderful evening. We wandered home slowly babbling about silly, inane stuff. We did our usual best to crack each other up and succeeded. It's evenings like tonight when I reminded just how lucky I am, just how silly my wife is and just how much I'm still very much in love with her. Besides, I always get extra slaw when we're together.

P.S. Yes We Can! w00t!

My Aversion to Horror Movies

I'm in a personal confession kind of mood tonight...

As you all know, I'm a huge SciFi & Fantasy fan. I love just about all of it from modern-day superheroes to Greek Mythology. Give me a well-made Anime show over a sitcom any day. I'd much rather curl up with the works of R.A. Salvatore than Dan Brown. I will re-rent Babylon 5 from Netflix enough that I should just buy the series. When I was 15, I wanted to be Wesley Crusher. I didn't care that he was even more of a dork than I was. (But not by much!) For years I assumed that the SciFi channel was made solely for my entertainment. I just couldn't figure out how they knew!

There's just one problem...

I can't stand horror movies. It may have started when I was 12-13 and a friend showed me Night of the Living Dead. Since then, I've tried all sorts of "Zombie therapy" from killing them in World of Warcraft to listening to John Coulton. Sure, I'm a huge Coulton fan now and I can slay a zombie faster than you can say "Braaaaaains," but they still creep me the fuck out.

Zombies are just the beginning of troubles...

As a teen-ager, I had to practically bolt my shoes to the floor when friends wanted to watch Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street. It's not that I was frightened (although I was) but that my imagination (to this day) does such an amazing job recreating the stuff when I'm asleep. Try waking up just once in an big, old, empty house from a nightmare after watching "the Fog" when your parents are away and see how fast you turn all the lights on.

Oddly, real life doesn't scare me at all...

When my old Volvo wagon hit that patch of ice and spun 360 degrees it didn't phase me. I just took a deep breath, re-started the car and drove on my way. The bear in the woods that time? He went his way, I went mine. The time some jerk flashed a knife outside the mens shelter I was volunteering at? Meh, we all lived. Remember, I'm the nut-job who used to draft behind city buses on my bicycle. Real life is not scary. But horror movies...

They don't go away, they just lie in wait...

When I got older, I just assumed I would be less of a wuss about this stuff. Nope! I tried watching Resident Evil two or three times now. Then someone gets zombiefied and it's all over.

It gets rough when really cool-looking stuff borders on fringes of horror. I love Vampire & werewolf movies until they slip over into the realms of horror. Blade? sure! Underworld? Great! 30 Day of Night? Yeah...no! I get cold shivers just thinking about it.

So, what's the problem?

Well, I was staring at the "Add" button for Cloverfield tonight and I just couldn't do it. Which also reminded me that I totally missed The Host. My urge to watch stuff like this is high. The probability is rather low. Sigh!

You win some ... you die screaming.

Afternoon Matinée

It pains me, but this is spoiler free!

I went to an afternoon matinée of Iron Man. It was a good choice since all the children were still in school. There were roughly 20 white men between the ages of 25-40 with a select few significant others who couldn't get out of it. Slick had confessed to me the other day that she was fine with waiting for DvD.

It was good. Yes, it still boiled down to your traditional superhero origin story. But, the effects were nice, the casting was superb & the pacing kept me from looking at my watch. All the essential elements of the character's origin & relationships are here for the true Iron Man fan. They've simply been updated for the modern stage. It was certainly better than the recent crop of superhero sequels. It was definitely worth the price of admission.

I am not really an Iron Man fan. He may be one of the elite all-star heroes of the Marvel Universe, but he's fairly low on my radar. Frankly, he always struck me as dull. When they flushed out the character in the last decade or so, I found him to be an arrogant, egotistical, alcoholic jerk. These personality defects may detract in the pages of comic books, but in the hands of Robert Downey Jr it really worked. I found myself liking Tony Stark for the first time.

I would say that this film is great for summer action-movie lovers & comic book fans. Everyone else can wait for DvD & internet release.

The following is technically spoiler. But I think I've left it vague enough. This warning is more to protect me from that one angry reader who gets it immediately. Most of you should be fine.



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Two Notes to Marvel Universe fans:


1) Try to convert the government agency acronyms as early as you can. This will make your l33t comic-book skillz feel superior later in the film.

2) Stay for the credits. There's a great character cameo scene. It was not the rumored one that involved General Ross of the Hulk books and it's tied directly into topic #1.

Vote? Only Because You Called To Remind Me, Again...

Since the middle of last week, I've been getting a bunch of calls from the Clinton campaign. The good news is that the nice women (all women thus far) have quickly thanked me for my time when I tell them I'm voting Obama.

This hands-off tactic kind of confuses me though. What's the point of the call? I assume they are calling because we are registered. Why would I bother registering, if I wasn't going to vote? Are there really a lot of registered Democrats out there going Meh, I'll just wait for November? After everything, are there still a lot of undecideds? So, why call if they aren't going to "sell" me on Clinton.

I had half a mind to take one out of NothingKnew's play-book and lead the last woman on a bit. Would she have talked much longer if I had said I was undecided or leaning toward Clinton?

I'm really glad they keep calling so I don't forget to vote Tuesday. Had nobody called, there might have been a slim, snowball's chance in hell I would have forgotten. Yup, thanks to the Clinton campaign, I'll remember to cast my Obama vote! Poor bastards.

Grocery Day Reflection

Yes, I know that this could be the most mundane and perhaps lamest topic I've ever pontificated on. That's why I'm just going to focus on the most useful observation.

When I'm shopping, I watch for the "member-savings" label. At Harris Teeter it's the "VIC" card. For a long while, I would always get the full amount of items for the savings. This, I've learned, isn't always the case. If the labels says something like "2/$3," then I can get one for $1.50. If the label says, "buy one get one free" then I must buy two. Why? It's how the register works. The "2/$x" items ring up the savings immediately per item. The other waits until all my items are checked out. Obviously, the grocery chain wants us to spend more money AND help clear inventory (especially fresh produce.) I say, screw that. If I only need one block of cheddar cheese and it lets me save $0.50, then I'm getting one block of cheese.

Sure, by not getting 2 (or more) I may not get the discount next week. That's also the thinking that helps drive my bill up & makes me waste food. There's always something with the savings label. This week it's the cheddar and next it'll be the jack.

Anyway, if you're in one of those card programs, look carefully. You may be able to cut a few bucks off your weekly bill.