Pain, Fatigue and Depression

I'm going to vent for a moment. Feeling a tad frustrated and need to re-focus.

The longer I live with Fibro, the more I find I can narrow my symptoms down to three general categories: physical pain, physical fatigue & emotional depression. Usually, but not always, they attack me in that order. I spend days/weeks in pain, then days/weeks exhausted and then emotionally drained from it all. And always, there's the worry that I'll get to the end of the cycle with all three attacking me at the same time. The trick is to respond as quickly as possible to the first phase to mitigate the second phase and negate the third. Not always as easy as it might sound.

Unfortunately, I spent the last two weeks of this month in a lot of pain. Consequently, my sleep schedule (that I've been working so hard on) has completely unraveled. So, not surprisingly, this week I'm frustratingly exhausted. It wouldn't be so bad except that my brain is going a mile a minute, but I have no energy to channel all this mental activity. Last night was the first sign that I'm starting to hit phase 3. I got really, really frustrated cooking dinner. I was so tired that I was dropping things, burning things and generally making a mess. Thankfully, Slick "tagged-in."

So, what to do? Well, the trick is to keep up a balanced attack. I've got to keep exercising, keep eating right, keep trying to sleep like a normal person and keep doing my basic chores like dinner. But, I've also got to focus on doing very relaxing activities that are still mentally stimulating. So last night, instead of my usual Tuesday night World of Warcraft session, I quietly listened to the Phillies game and read some of Marley & Me.

It's days like these when I'm reminded of the lyrics from a Sheryl Crow song: "No one said it would be easy, but no one said it'd be this hard."

This is not a complaint. It would be easy to get down on myself or God for the way things are. Instead, I'm grateful. This condition could really suck if not for the grace of God. I've got Slick to see me through. It's not every wife that encourages you to leave a good job to stay home and focus on yourself. I've got family and friends who never call me a slacker for leaving my job or undependable for canceling an activity for being too tired. I've got faith that I'm on the right path. I believe that I'm learning to manage this condition. And (a little shout out to my father) I've learned from example that the important things are not easy. Important stuff takes work and dedication.

Whew...I feel better! Thanks for reading.