Exercising My Demons

I've not been posting a lot lately. There's a lot to say about "why." It started with writer's block. I would find a subject to write about and become completely inarticulate. Posts, even bad ones, would not flow. Then in turned into a disinterest in posting about anything.

This blog, first and foremost, has been a place for me to channel my frustrations about my health. Even posts having nothing to do with my fibromyalgia often flow from it. The blog is my outlet. It's been a purpose in a purposeless existence.

No, I'm not trying to depress you.

My mother-in-law, the wise woman that she is, suggested something profound to me recently. The writer's block is a good thing. I forget her exact words, but it boils down to this...

I needed to talk and now I don't.

What does that mean? This blog has been like a therapist in my life. It was my "keep a journal" project. I had finally found the right job, our lives were headed exactly where we wanted to go, things were great and then my health made it all go away. I gave up "everything" to get healthy and focus on the things that matter. It was a very painful decision, but continues to look like the right one.

And so it happened. I stopped having to talk about "it."

Unfortunately, that's also meant that I don't need to vent about the economy, comment on the new "first dog," or share my sadness on the passing Harry Kalas. I see this writer's block as a good thing, but it's also created new concerns.

This blog has always served three purposes.

1) A place for me to work through things, "exercise my demons."
2) A place for my family & friends to check up on us.
3) A place to write.

I'm done exercising my demons through this blog. I can find other ways of writing. But what about my readership?

My plan is to go silent from blogging for a month or so. There are other things I've been devoting my blogging & feed-reading to - mostly exercise.

Exercise - daily - focused - even when I'm in a lot of pain or suffering from fatigue - but careful exercise has become the next major step in managing my health. It's the one post I still have left in me, but doesn't need to be written.

Simply put: the Wii Fit is an amazing piece of technology.

When/if I return, this blog will probably undergo a face lift and become focused on things like "vacation photos" and blurbs about home-improvement projects. I may even look for another online home.

This is not goodbye from blogging. This is shalom.

Where Did I Go?

The silence on this blog is deafening. Don't think I haven't noticed. I'm here, just not posting.

Over the last several years, my medical problems have developed a certain ebb & flow. My Doctor & I are well aware of the seasonal element of things. February & March have been especially bad times for me. Why? Well, that's a story for another day.

The story today is one I've told you many times.

One mistake we made early in my treatment was to vigorously fight my symptoms as things that could be "cured" through aggressive medicating. We also fought many of the symptoms at once. This was partly because I had not been fully diagnosed. Why would anyone assume that a slightly overweight man in his early 30's have Fybromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue? Treat the sinus headaches, migraine symptoms, the severe muscle pain, chills, depression and gastrointestinal problems all as separate conditions. Ignore the possibility that the mix of high-octane medications could be compound these issues. Why would medicine make things worse?

It took my current Doctor to put it all together. That's mostly why he's the "current" one. It took us a while to come up with a strategy to manage/reduce my symptoms through a mix of diet, exercise & medication. Yeah, I take several "controlled substances."

The story isn't over yet though.

In January, we upped the dose of Lyrica. It's having a net-positive effect on me. However, I also tend to take longer than others to adjust to side-effects. My energy level - which is never good to begin with - has been very low.

This isn't a bad thing. This time of year my energy is always low. If the medications improve all my other symptoms - which they have been - then I'll eventually get used to the side-effects & my energy will improve. Fingers crossed.

I've had other problems of late, all related to my fybro & sinus conditions. What to do with those? The current plan is to not repeat mistakes of the past. We're not introducing new medication into the mix unless I get very sick. I need to manage them with existing strategies until I've been taking the max dose of Lyrica for a month or two.

So, the silence on this blog has been a point of frustration for me, but we've got to just accept it. I'm "fine." This could be my best Winter in years. That doesn't mean it's going to be a productive time. I'm surviving with a lot of low-impact leisure activities mixed with small, targeted periods of productivity. This is my usual strategy, but right now it's magnified.

I'm focused, as always, in managing my health & become a more active person. I'm hopeful about the advances in Fybromyalgia treatments. The Lyrica has definitely been a good step.

Anyway, that's where I'm at right now. My short-term goal in this blog is to keep it up to date with fun stuff I find & mini-updates from me. Don't expect a lot of deep & reflective posts for a few weeks.

Fibro-Frustration

I'm going to vent today so I can just get this out of my system and try to move on to salvage this week.

In many way, I've gotten used to my weird cycle of fibro symptoms. For the most part I can manage a week around them. I can have a few productive days (or hours in a day) and then need a few days or hours to recover. It leads to an almost normal life. It starts to make me think about a future where I'll do more thing like work part-time or volunteer. It gives me hope.

Then weeks like this one happen. Several of my most egregious pain & muscle fatigue symptoms are in full bloom. And yet, I'm feeling active and aware. In other words, I'm not having a chronic fatigue week where I'm hazy and tired, I just HURT! Being hazy and tired would almost be preferable. At least when I'm hazy and tired I have but one choice, go lay down.

Instead, after surviving a fall chock full of fighting off sinus migraines, I'm dealing with a mid-December pain onslaught. My back hurts. My neck hurts. My legs hurt from my hips to my toes. My arms hurt from my shoulders to my finger. Heck, my fingers hurt enough that I feel the click of every keystroke writing this. Gripping my fucking coffee mug hurts.

I'm completely and utterly conscious and in need of mental stimulation. I just can't seem to find something to occupy my mind that doesn't HURT!

This all started Sunday and has gotten progressively worse all week. Today, I just want to find a dark corner and crawl into it.

And now, having gotten that out of my system, I'm taking a deep breath, grabbing the iPod for some soothing music and will attempt to walk the dog.

House Plants

I've been busy with the house plants since my last post about them. I took some parts to some old IKEA storage shelves I had in the shed, combined it with some scrap lumber I had in the garage and *presto-chango* instant plant shelves.

The Green Zone

This house plant haven faces SW, gets light all day and good afternoon sun. The plants are flourishing there. Bob, the ivy plant, is doing exceptionally well in his new pot and is taking over much of the right part of the shelf. I have to rotate him every couple of days because his leaves turn to face the sun. Part of me wants to see just how much he can grow.

And yes, I named the ivy plant Bob. Your point? We also have Grace the Spider Plant & Fred the nearly dead peace plant.

Bob, the Ivy

During her Thanksgiving Visit, the Queen bought me a Christmas Cactus. It's in bloom and adds some much needed color to the green zone. There was some obnoxious debate about what I would name it. Out of revenge, I've named it pRick. The P is silent.

pRick, the Christmas Cactus

I'm also trying to root some more plants. Grace produced two more babies (in addition to the 8 she gave us this fall) and I'm seeing if I can get some of Bob's vines to root.

The Nursery

The other project is an indoor herb garden. This is requiring regular care because the house is so dry. I'm spraying them with a water bottle twice a day and wondering how they will handle our leaving for Christmas.

The herbs have already been put to use to make some leftover ham & lentil soup and some turkey soup. Mmmm...homemade soup with fresh herbs! I've decided to not name any of them since they are technically food.

Herbs

Note: When I originally posted this, I accidentally wrote that Bob was a fern. The Queen corrected my mistake.

Keyboard & Mouse

I asked this question to Nothing Knew in an email, but I thought I would put it out to my readership as well.

I was wondering if you had any suggestions about keyboards & mice.

My fibro causes pain in my hands and wrists similar to the issues of arthritis &/or carpal tunnel sufferers. Meds help, hamd exercises help, but I often have trouble with comfort at the computer. (And the car and all sorts of other places.) The issues are long periods typing but more importantly gaming.

Standard just plain keyboards work fine from a functional standpoint. The standard mouse is too small and not shaped right. The keyboards provide no support and positioning hurts after a while.

I have a few things I've tried. I have a Microsoft wireless comfort keyboard & wireless laser mouse 6000 I got a few years ago. They are perfect from an ergonomic standpoint and I like the feel and throw of the keys. But the wireless is suspect, especially when gaming. It also cuts out in the presence of other wireless devices.

The wife has a Logitech cordless desktop mx3000. Wireless connection is much better, but the keys are too tight together and the clicks feel hard. The mouse is way too heavy.

I've got a Logitech Trackman ergonomic wheel mouse which is great but I can't do serious gaming with it. I've tried and it's too much.

So, what I'm looking for is something wired (usb) that has similar feel and comfort as my microsoft keyboard/mouse but at a reasonable price.

Health Update

Talk to the Hand
My hand is much improved. The swelling decreased a great deal on Friday. My hand still has a big silver-dollar sized "sunburn" on it, but otherwise fully functional. I've been taking some time to reorganize and resupply the emergency kits in the house and cars since it's clear that I'm allergic to wasps.

Fibromyalgia
I'm up to 75 mg of Lyrica a day. It seems to be helping with a lot of my fibro symptoms. Specifically, the day to day tingling and numbness in my hands, arms, feet and legs is almost completely gone. My issues with cold in my extremidies seems to be better. Muscle aches are greatly reduced. I'm hardly touching my painkillers. The side effects are harsh and I'm not sure if I'll be able to go to the next level of dosing because I don't think I'll be able to handle taking it during the day.

Unfortunately, my headaches have been bad due to seasonal allergies. And with everything that's been happening between the new meds, the allergies and the wasp sting, my fatigue issues have been really bad for the last few weeks. It's been one thing after another.

Today I found myself just frustrated with everything and had to just give myself a time out. I screwed around with a box of computer parts in the closet, played on the computer and the wife brought home some takeout so I didn't have to cook. (She's so understanding.)

Hopefully, with the first frost of the season expected tonight, the wasp sting healing & generally getting used to the new medications, I'll have a good November.

Stung

On Tuesday, I took the car to the shop and walked home with the dog. Unfortunately, about a mile from home, I got stung by something on the left hand. I honestly thought it was a wasp, but the whole thing happened so fast, it could have been just about anything from a fire ant to a spi...nothing to see here dear... There was no visible stinger and other than a mark on my hand and a sharp sting I seemed OK. I arrived home without further incident. I got through the rest of the day and aside from a pin-prick of pain forgot about the whole incident. No worries right? Yeah well...

By Wednesday morning the back of my hand was red and itchy. By Wednesday night, the back of my hand was red, itchy and swelling. We applied various bite creams and looked in WebMD for treatment info. By Thursday morning the swelling increased, the itch spread to my wrist and my hand was in pain. Sigh! On Thursday afternoon I saw the Nurse Practitioner at my Doctor's office, who basically told me that since I had survived the first 48 hours, I would probably live. She directed me to ice, elevate and increase my Benadryl dose. She warned me that the spreading might continue a little more but not to panic unless...

So, I spent the evening semi-sedated with my hand elevated & wrapped in ice. Stupid

This may be my last post for a few days since typing is uncomfortable. If you've had a hand or wrist injury, you understand my frustration. I can use my hand if I have to, but it's not comfortable.

Did I mention sigh!

You Want to Talk About Fear?

I'm watching last night's debate this morning.

I want to take a moment to comment on one of the issues that I never identified as important but has quickly become so in this election cycle: Health Care.

I've looked it over and I'm afraid of McCain's health care plan. In debate, he keeps side-stepping the lost coverage, exclusion from coverage issue. Obama keeps suggesting (as do a number of articles I've read) that people with preexisting conditions will not be covered in the "open market." McCain's dismissal is to suggest that only people with "Gold-Plated" plans that cover insane medical proceedures might have problems. What about people like me?

I have to go to the doctor's office a lot. I have medical tests several times of the year to make sure that my symptoms aren't something else and to make certain that my medications aren't having an adverse affect on me. I regularly feel punished by our insurance company to find approved medication. Because it's so much fun skimming through the "approved medication" list with my doctor every time we want to try something new or every time they come out with a new list.

There's no way I'm getting into an open-market health care plan. There's no way I'm going to save money even with the tax credit if our premiums and deductables keep rising. (Which they are.)

I'm not saying that the Obama plan is the end-all-be-all. It's just scary because the cost of my medications would be unaffordable without health care coverage.

On a side-note: I've spent 2 weeks now on a minimal dose of Lyrica and have been seeing very positive results. So, we're going to the next level. It's very exciting.

Managing Chronic Health Issues & Visiting Your Doctor

When I first become sick with my fibromyalgia condition, it was a nightmare panic. Doctors would treat various symptoms with mixed results. I was shipped from specialist to specialist, given tests after test, tried a myriad of medications (many of which compounded my health problems.) Finally, I zeroed in on a good general physician. Specialists & urgent care doctors actually recommended him for his clinical & diagnostic skills.

At first, he was just as stumped as everyone else. A young, 30-something male is a rare candidate for my condition. The diagnosis came through a series of events that I initiated by making a journal of my symptoms & sketching a diagram of my pain-centers. When my doctor looked at my sketches, I could actually see the light bulb go off. He quickly ordered a series of blood tests and a visit to a rheumatologist for a second opinion. After months of misery, I wasn't out of the woods. Heck, that diagonosis was over 2 years ago and look at me now.

Together, my doctor and I worked hard. He already had experience with fybromialgia & chronic fatigue syndrome and as evident by yesterday's visit, continues to inform himself. My job was to make hard choices about my diet, exercise more, keep track of symptoms for him & stay informed. I have spent hours upon hours reading online, wandering the stacks at my local library & even listening to audio books.

When I go to my doctor, I give him data, in writing, about my symptoms. I have a list of questions to be answered. I talk. He listens. He takes notes (often on the pages I've given him.) Somewhere mid-visit, he takes over. I don't let the visit end until I get answers to the key questions. He always gives me a plan and goals for our next visit.

This is how all doctor, patient relationships should work. This is especially true for people with chronic conditions. My doctor regularly encorages me that it's my efforts to exercise, eat right and give him data that is making the difference. His job is to support me by finding the right medications and dosages to help me get even better.

Yes, there are times when this just plain sucks. But, I continue to thank God for the people in my life who help and support me, including my Doctor. I wish more people could find that kind of doctor/patient relationship.

My Lyrica Challenge

For months now, a number of my friends and family have been asking me "have you seen the Lyrica commercials?" Every time, I politely say yes and thank them for their concern. Forgive my skepticism about commercials with middle age women talking about their fybromyalgia pain.

More than the inability to work, I've struggled with that irrational discomfort about having a "woman's condition." (That's not me being sexist, that's me being honest.) Men represent a small portion of known fybro sufferers. In the past, the few studies that included men also showed little to no help for men from the typical medications. And when it originally came out, I thought saw an article suggesting that Lyrica was in that category as well.

Today during my six month check-up, my doctor told me some exciting news. He found a study that specifically targeted men with fybro. The results are apparently encouraging enough for us to try it. He warned me that the initial side-effects can be rough and we're starting on a low dosage. I suppose the "high" feeling could be fun, but I don't like the idea of blurry vision. The big thing is that I'm not supposed to drive for a few days. (Luckily, all the gas stations in town are out of gas anyway.)

I'll report back after my follow-up visit next month.

It's just very encouraging to have a doctor that actually reads medical journals with you in mind.

A Good Week

I'm declaring this a good week. I know there's 2 days left and a lot can happen, but screw it. It's been a good week. I've been "fog" free & my body aches have all been manageable. I've been accomplishing stuff including that big HVAC repair in my attic on Tuesday. And my recovery time from such projects has been great. On Tuesday, we even walked the mile into town and had dinner.

Frustration

After our trip north last month, my body needed time to recuperate. We all knew it would. Over the next few weeks I was feeling "OK." I spent a lot of time functioning at about 80%. This meant I was able to relax, sleep, have fun & still get a few things accomplished. Since I wasn't feeling super, I reserved more and more time for fun and left projects like yard-work & home repair sit idle.

Well, weeks went by and I never really got my groove back. In fact, on Friday things just got worse. My body is in full-blown pain. I know this because I caught myself taking my 3rd painkiller of the day yesterday. Most days I don't take any. Some days I have to take 1 or 2. Three means I'm miserable.

This makes me look back at the last month in disgust. I could have paced myself in June and accomplished projects when I could have managed them a piece at a time. Now, there's no way I'm doing any of the yard work. Slick will have to clean the kitchen before our guests arrive for the 4th.

There's only one thing left to do now. I must find a distraction and I must relax. My body is so tense that even my shoulders feel like they are numb and asleep. The pain-killers (when I've taken them for several days) start to make me feel nauseated. So, I absolutely need to stop feeling bad.

PS. It should be noted that June was (once I stop feeling frustrated about it) a good month. My health was better than worse. Slick & I have been having a lot of fun. Until this weekend, I've been really excited about the summer. I'm still excited. We have friends visiting for the 4th of July. We have vacation with my family. We have vacation with Slick's family. My uncle is visiting in Sept. It'll be a great summer. I just have to get through this first.

Eat This

My sister recently decided to "detox" her body from all the sugar, caffeine and fatty-fried crap for a month. It struck me that this short-term detox of hers sounds a lot like the actual day-to-day diet I usually consume. So, I thought I would give her (and you) some ideas.

First, she keeps referring to all the things she's giving up. This, bar-none, is the biggest mistake that anyone can make when trying to change their diet. If you treat it as a hardship that must be endured, then you will fail. Hell, even the word "diet" has become bad word. Eat better because it makes you feel better.

The second mistake about dieting is the choices. People pick the most bland, poorly prepared crap and then wonder why they miss donuts. Learn to relish simple, well-prepared foods. Little things help and you don't have to kill the budget to do it. Buy or mix seasonings for your meals. A good box of Hot Hungarian Paprika may cost $6 or $7, but it'll last a long time. Fresh garlic makes any meal better. Cook with olive oil. Swap to whole grains.

The other thing I dislike is prepackaged stuff, even if it's labeled "organic." This is especially true for my sister's little detox and for people trying to avoid processed foods for medical conditions like mine. Here's a good example: Salad dressing...even the fat free stuff. Mostly because "fat free" really means "We've piled on the sodium." Substitute? Yes, I'm about to say oil and vinegar. But, this is where the "little things" apply. Buy really good olive oil and a nice sweet bottle of balsamic vinegar. Don't waste it on cooking! Repeat! NEVER waste it on cooking. Pull it out just for those salads.

My friend Posey told me something early on last April when I decided to start losing weight. She said, "Don't starve yourself. You have to eat to lose weight." Now, this may sound counter-intuitive, but she's absolutely right. If you're hungry, eat! Just have to learn to avoid mindless snacking and learn to fill up on whole grains, fruits and veggies. If you don't like carrots, don't eat carrots. Find something you do like!

Good meal alternatives...

At Breakfast:

- Sugar & Cream in your coffee is insanely fattening with essentially no dietary benefits. If you must sweeten and "blond" your coffee -- I know I do -- try splenda and fat-free creamer.
- Fat Free Yogurt of all sorts of flavors is really good for you....If it has "active cultures." Try eating it with granola & frozen (slightly defrosted) blueberries.
- Toast is fine, but instead of butter put on a little peanut-butter. Yes, I know that peanut-butter is loaded in fat. But, it'll stick to your insides and help you get to lunch. It's also full of protein.
- On weekends make omelets. The wife likes spinach & feta omelets w/ garlic, onions & mushrooms. The mistake here is the stuff people eat w/ omelets. Try eating the omelet and nothing else.

At Lunch:
- Skip the lunch grill! If you don't want a salad or more yogurt, try a sandwich. Try whole grain and skip the cheese if you can. Use mustard instead of mayo. Load that hoagie up with veggies.

Afternoon Snack:
- Pretzels are good. Apples are excellent. If you've learned to be good then add on some cheese & some even turkey pepperoni.
- Popcorn. Please, for the love of all things good and holy, not the greasy movie theater butter. This defeats the purpose of eating popcorn in the first place. I like Kettle Corn Smart Pop, but I also have a sweet tooth.

Beverages:
- You've heard it before. Stop drinking soda. Oh, and never ever drink sweet tea. For you northerners, sweet tea is this southern stuff. A tea & sugar syrup is made and blended with more tea. In the winter, I drink lots of herbal tea. In the summer, I drink lots of water. I enjoy an "adult beverage" in moderation when my medication permits.

Dinner:
- One part meat/fish/poultry (protein), one part starch (whole grain), two-parts veggies. Fresh veggies are the best. But you say, "I don't have time to make salad." Here's a tip. Buy some plastic containers. Chop up 2-4 days of salad fixings. Done.

Desert and Treats:
- On a day-to-day basis, Slick likes a peppermint patty. Once a week, we make something naughty and enjoy it. There's nothing wrong with having chocolate chip cookies occasionally or even ice cream.

Enjoy Cooking:
- I admit to a luxury of being home to prepare meals. However, you'd be surprised how fast a grilled piece of pork with garlic served with grilled zucchini, salad and toasted pita bread can be made. You can also make grilled chicken w/ steamed veggies and rice then turn the leftover veggies and rice into stir fry the next day. A good, healthy meal can be prepared in 20-30 minutes. You can cut that prep-time in half by cutting veggies on shopping day.

I know that I can't force anyone reading this to eat better. I understand that people with kids and jobs find it tough to balance nutrition and time. I understand that single people hate cooking for one. But, last month's illness aside, I've shown the long-term benefits of healthy eating. And, if you doubt it by reading about me, then look at my wife. She's lost the same percentage of weight. Frankly, she looks hot...OK, I changed my mind! Stop looking at my wife.

Good luck with the detox dear sister. I hope you get to the end and realize that you should just keep going with it.

So, We Went for a Hike

Right after writing that downer of a post, I got up, put my hiking gear on and took the dog to Cain Creek. He's covered in mud and I'm ready to pass out, but that sure helped. I'm eating the oranges my in-laws brought from Florida and then I'm going to keel over.

I'm Still Alive

Just a note to friends who have emailed me to check in. I'm still here!

After basically recovering from the digestive infection (as illnesses go, I don't recommend it) I found myself in the midst of a multi-day migraine. From what I can tell, it was a combination of not being able to exercise enough to manage my fibro for several weeks and a sudden shift in the weather causing my sinuses to act up. I'm still fighting it. The goal is to stay relaxed but active. How? Basically, I have to keep my brain just occupied enough to not notice the pain while at the same time keeping my body loose. Walking, meditating, even swinging a club at the driving range (1/2 a bucket and really slow) all seem to help. I've been living with my iPod and reading lots of books.

Some Good Health News for a Change

Today, I visited my doctor and it was really positive. My tests all came back clean and the stomach trouble is "only" an infection. My insides look surprisingly good. My doctor is really impressed with my efforts and that made me feel a lot better about myself. It's easy to get down when you feel like crap. I left my doctor's appointment feeling really positive about my efforts to manage my health and empowered by my doctor to keep at it.

I've come to realize that a key aspect of managing fibro is finding a doctor who is a partner with you. His listens to me. We talk about my symptoms and share notes. Today, I brought him "new" data about my problems with cold. He took notes, offered thoughts and gave me guidance. He doesn't just toss drugs at me and hustle me out the door. He's often swamped (today I waited 45 minutes for my appointment,) yet I find he's always prepared for my visits with data and direction.

Inertia

I'm awake and restless. I feel bleh but better. I feel a "do stuff" urge but a "settle down now" gurgle (literally.) I've sat at the computer for the last hour reading news, watching stuff on Hulu, eating my banana and thinking about all the stuff that's been left undone for the past week. I know that the medication is giving me a boost of energy and dulling the pain. I don't know if that's just cause for me to try and accomplish something or if it's a signal to let the drugs do their thing and continue to give my body time to fight the infection.

I suppose I'll do a load of laundry, and defrost something for Slick's dinner. It's going to be 80-deg here today. I considered dragging a chair out on the deck, but then I remembered that one of the meds says I'm supposed to avoid prolonged exposure to sunlight. Seriously!

Anyway, I'm still here. I thank you for your indulging me and my rant from last night.

Argh! Could all this be the &^%$@ Fibromyalgia?

I'm going to rant and I'm not really giving a crap about elements of style or narrative. I'm just ranting!

It started last week. Something wrong with my digestive system. Since irritable bowl syndrome is a major problem for fybromyalgics, I probably waited longer than I should to seek medical support. By the time I saw the doctor I got put on a liquid diet and was sent for tests to make sure I don't have diverticulitis. Don't worry, I don't! The antibiotics and pain killers seem to be helping. I've even been granted access to some solid foods like bananas.

I found an article online (completely random) today called Fibromyalgia and the Pain Barrier. I followed a link on Digg to the site and then saw a Fibro link. Anyway, check out this excerpt:

"The next time, two years later, Jemma was crumpled with stomachache. Her appendix—which turned out to be just like any other appendix: evolutionarily redundant but not inflamed—was removed. And Jemma’s ache stubbornly stayed for another year and half."

And interestingly enough, all day today the area at my appendix has been hurting more than the other areas. Yes, I will tell my doctor on my follow-up visit on Friday. Could all this be the fucking fibromyalgia? And did I mention that the nurse didn't even know that irritable bowl syndrome was a symptom of fibro? I guess I'm glad that the general public got a clue about the pain and fatigue. I guess I'm also glad that my doctor knows these things.

Of course the article, like MOST articles about Fibromyalgia is on a "women's" site and talks about women with fibro. Most articles that deal with men only seem to make passing comments about the low number of men with the condition. *SIGH* Yes, it's great being a guy with a "woman" problem.

Wait, I'll go somewhere with this...

I did find a website, men with fibro (A crappy looking, poorly designed site) that was done by a guy with Fibro. I feel bad for knocking him, but man that site needs a make-over. Still, I liked what he wrote on his What's It Like? page. He at least totally gets it. He said, "Well, it is like Samson, when Delilah cut off his hair." And it's true. Sometimes, I feel castrated. I'm not the same man I was before this started. I'm the 50's house-wife with-out the kids. Sure, my health is improving! Sure, who knows what I'll be like in a year if I keep this up! Sure,...and sometimes that feels like a load of fucking crap. I'm a man! Maybe I'm a "modern, sensitive-type," but deep down I'm also "Tarzan to her Jane" man, dammit! Except right now when I'm wasting away, moving from couch to chair to bed to couch!

Deep breath! AND...exhale!...Well, I feel better. You?

Good things did come out of my rambling web searches tonight. I found this great link with a list of fibromyalgia symptoms that had details that I've not seen before, but really make me feel better. Specifically, this (see below) started this winter and has been driving me completely nuts. I knew it was the fibro, but man has it been getting to me trying to adjust to it.

Temperature Sensitivity: Persons with fibromyalgia tend to be highly sensitive to ambient temperature. Some often feel abnormally cold (compared to others around them) while others feel abnormally warm. An unusual sensitivity to cold in the hands and/or feet, accompanied by color changes in the skin, sometimes occurs in persons with fibromyalgia. This condition is known as "Raynaud's Phenomenon".

Any temperature below 70-deg and I have to be fully clothed. I've started wearing double-layers of socks from REI. (One layer of thin nylon blended socks and a top layer of wool.) My collection of long-sleeved t-shirts has doubled. I carry ultra-light weight gloves with me and catch myself wearing them in temperatures below 60-deg. The kicker is that the second the weather goes over 75-deg and I'm back to my old self. I'm warm and I'm comfortable in shorts. Still, seeing it documented makes me feel better.

It should also be noted that I've read the entire list and have them all to some degree or another (well except the sleep apnea and the "female" problems.) The paresthesia is annoying since I type on the computer a lot, but it's the only symptom I can always block out.

I'm learning how to compensate for the "general" fibro-fog. I take lots of notes. I keep my routine rather simple. I never cook from recipes anymore. I park in the same sections at the mall or store. It's annoying, but I manage.

Anyway, if you want to know a little more about what it's like to be me or any Fibro sufferer, I encourage you to look at the list.

Sorry for the rambling, but that's one of the reasons I started blogging. Sometimes I just need to vent about this.

Laid Low By Fibro-Fog Week Continues

I'm feeling better today, but man it's been a rough week. I keep reminding myself that I still feel better than some of my best days last year this time. I'm "functional" when I force myself. I'm frightened that I used to try and go to work like this. Driving more than a few miles scares the shit out of me because it's so hard to focus. My online crew has been really great. My gang dragged me around a low-level instance. "Go tank that!" "Uh, OK!" And the other hunters in my raiding guild are filling my slots all week. I'm just glad I grilled a whole chicken on Monday. Yes, I'm sure Slick is tired of leftovers made 4 different ways, but she'll get over it.

Still, I can't complain. The ACC Conference finals are being shown on CBS all day today. I love free sports in digital HD! UNC just won their game and Virgina Tech is playing right now. I've been watching the games from my chair while reading Marvel Comics Online on the laptop. This old clunker may not have a working battery, but it's still fine for surfing. I'm essentially caught up with the events of the Marvel Universe from 2002-2006. Some good & some bad. As usual, Chris Claremont's work starts off strong and seems to get lost. Other stuff, most notably Exiles & New X-Men started weak but have grown on me. I'm also getting more and more interested in stuff from the 1970's.

I felt really bad for tossing that comment about FBoFW w/out a spoiler warning yesterday. I've actually been careful to not blog much this week. I've been working on a very detailed instructional post for my WoW blog, but keep losing my train of thought when I try to write-up the math, so I'm just sticking with updates here until I feel better.

Accuracy, Loft & Distance

My in-laws passed through town on their way to Florida for the month. While Slick & the Queen went shopping for skinny clothes, flyDad & I did "guy" stuff. We hit the driving range, the "Golf Galaxy" shop, and finished off at the Hickory Tavern to watch the second half of the NC-State vs Duke game. Fun times!

The year that we moved south, I got a new driver for my birthday & irons for Christmas. Spring came and I used them once at the driving range. Then I got sick. I don't think I used them since. That was 3 years ago. Beautiful new clubs & I couldn't use them. It's on my top-ten list of most frustrating things about the fibro. I've been unable to swing a club, but unwilling to give up & sell them.

Even as I've started feeling better, I've been really hesitant about golf. I'm really worried about injury & pain flare-ups. Pain is really difficult for me to judge. I always have some sort of dull throbbing and tingling. If I used the "don't do it if it hurts" rule for exercise, I would never do anything. If I want to have fun and/or accomplish stuff, I have to push through that. The catch is learning what pain is normal or a warning sign for a potential flare-up or a real injury. I've already determined that I can't do anything high-impact. I know I must avoid heavy lifting. What about swinging a golf club?

I hit a 1/2 a bucket of balls. I used my 7-iron almost the whole time. I took it really slow and stretched a lot. Actually, I had good results for someone so rusty. Only about 1/5 shots was a complete dud. Most of my shots were solid. In fact, a lot were straight, with good loft and went out about 100-110 yards. flyDad was really surprised. In some ways, I think I swing the club more cleanly than before I got sick. I had to relax & take it slow. I swung with care and didn't try to drive the ball. It took me longer to go through my little pile than I used to take on a jumbo bucket. There's a lesson there somewhere...

I did finish with about a dozen swings with my driver. They were all painful. They were also ugly shots. On the last ball, I felt good and drove it straight out about 250 yards. I think, given the amount of pain the swings caused, that I will probably need to avoid the driver & fairway woods for a while.

If things keep improving and I'm able to keep getting out to the range, maybe Slick & I will look for an executive course. If I can't swing my driver, at least I'll be able to play a short game. Still, I'm not going to get my hopes up. Today, I'm more uncomfortable than usual. On one hand, this could be completely natural from doing a physical activity I haven't tried in 3 years. On the other hand...well, let's not go there...