Mortality

I mentioned that I had lots of content from my trip north. This post comes from my thoughts while driving through Allentown on 4 hours sleep on my way to say goodbye to my grandmother. This is the morbid, un-fun post. I thought I'd just get it out of the way.

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The first time I really came face to face with my own mortality was on my 12th birthday. My cat, Tinkerbell had just been struck by a car. My cat was dead. Although I remembered my great grandmother's funeral, this was my first real experience with death. I realized that someday I too would die.

This death pales in comparison to the most traumatic and live-altering death of in my life: The death of my Aunt Grace. I learned that accidents and old-age were not the only causes of death. We can die slowly, at our own hands, through smoking. To this day I abhor smoking. I still have family that smoke and I bristle with anger at them for risking premature death as they do. I admit to myself that I see smoking as slow suicide. Yes, smoking is an addiction, I tell myself. I think of the unnecessary risks I take in my life and call myself a hypocrite. Yet, it all seems so weak and selfish. So, when I consider my own addictive tendencies and how to avoid them, I think of that young man crying in desperation in his dorm room 16 years ago.

Last week I faced a completely different kind of reality when my Grandmother passed away. It was a reality I saw from my father's eyes. He (and my mother) had no parents left. They were like "orphans" (a word Dad used in passing during my visit.) It struck me harder than my grandmother's death. My father, like me, had a wonderful relationship with the in-laws. One of the great blessings of marriage is that I not only gained a wife and partner, but that I have 2 sets of loving parents. I have two dads to get advice on leaky faucets and mangled shutters. I have two moms to tell my problems to when I don't want to burden Slick. Someday, they will all be gone. Isn't that a kick in the teeth?

I think about the deaths of family & loved-ones. I wonder why these three deaths are so much more significant to me than the others. It wasn't the relationships, but the experiences of their deaths. I remember the grave-digger from Hamlet and I think of the certainty of death. I also think of the lessons of death and in turn focus of the power of life.

This is where, if I'm not careful, this post either turns into a sermon or a lament. Sermons are for preachers & laments are for people who feel trapped by mortality. I am neither. I am thankful for life and the lives of the people around me. Instead of focusing on the tomorrow that will eventually come, I'm taking joy from today. The point of this post then is this...

Carpe Diem! Oh, and call your mother(s)!