Transformers

One of my favorite childhood addictions grew up this week with the release of Transformers the Movie. As as a red-blooded American boy growing up in the 80's, Transformers was a must. Being a complete geek, many of my childhood heroes followed me into adulthood: Luke Skywalker, Batman, Spiderman, but not Optimus...Until now.

Let me jump right to the point and say that Transformers delivers as promised. It is a Michael Bay summer block buster in the grand tradition of the Rock & Armageddon. As with the other Bay works, there are plenty of dizzying action-sequences with huge explosions all encapsulated in an un-freakin'-believable plot that almost holds up...well, mostly. In other words, a perfect excuse to escape the heat with an over-priced bag of popcorn in one hand & a slushy in the other! (Yeah, I got water...damn this diet!)

OK, onto some actual points about the movie.

Successes:

Opening sequence:
Perhaps I've seen one too many James Bond movies, but I'm a firm believer in the power of the opening sequence to make or break a film. By the time the opening sequence is over, you know that this isn't a kid's cartoon anymore. You also know that a single one of these big bad robots is nasty enough to wipe out an entire U.S. military base. Dear Mr Bay, "You had me at Kaboom!"

Decepticons:
As a whole, the Decepticons were so much more interesting than the Autobots. They truly lived up to their name. Time and again, I found myself doing double-takes when I saw a helicopter or jet. Thanks to Blackout's (helicopter) opening sequence, I spent the entire film afraid of military choppers. Is that him? No, whew...Wait, what about that one? No...whew. And Frenzy (Boombox) was their MVR (most valuable robot.) The tiniest of them was the most dangerous. The success of the Decepticons as a film element was the building process. Each time we were introduced to a Decepticon, it was a ratcheting-up of the danger. In this way, the final emergence of Megatron was something to truly fear!

Bumblebee:
Thank goodness for Bumblebee. Yes, they turned him into a Camaro, but it really worked. Bumblebee gave the Autobots soul. The bonding between Bumblebee & Sam was great. Unlike the Decepticons, the Autobots were introduced to us as Bumblebee's friends. All of Sam's trust in Optimus Prime (18-wheeler) was based completely on his trust in Bumblebee. Thankfully, it worked.

The Voice of Optimus Prime:
This was my "Fan-Boy" moment. The voice of Peter Cullen saying "Autobots, transform--and roll out!" His voice and the character of Optimus was nearly unnecessary for the success of the plot, but essential to the box-office. His voice on that robot is what we, the fans went to hear.

Sam Witwicky
I've been really confused why Hollywood seems to have a chubby for Shia Labeouf. Yet, he was the perfect stand-in for all of us one-time awkward teenagers who dreamed of being a hero and getting the girl! I'm no longer dreading him as Indiana Jones' son.

Note: Holy Megan Fox Batman!

Disappointments:

One big "Go Army" movie:
Our beloved armed forces should show this movie during every recruiting drive. They should see if Josh Duhamel will stand in for Uncle Sam. Seriously, I'm also a military history & movie junky, but it may have been just a tad over the top. They should really show this on the 4th of July or somethi...Oh wait...Good call!

Note: Michael Bay's a life-saver. Now I don't need a G.I.Joe film!

On the subject of monumentally stupid decisions:
How do we turn our aforementioned poster-boy for Army recruitment into the ambassador for the incredibly stupid? Let's have him lead an insanely big, genocide-seeking, megalomaniac robot into the heart of a densely populated city for our climatic fight-sequence. Nobody has a problem with this? Clearly, this is an example of a scripting after deciding on the fight sequence.

Autobots:
As I mentioned earlier, Bumblebee was the saving-grace for a completely under-developed collective of comic relief and cannon-fodder. When the heroes take out a Decepticon it's cause for celebration, but when an Autobot falls nobody but a total fan cares. (I am and I didn't.) This is the real disappointment of the film. Without being a Transformers fan, you don't feel anything for Optimus Prime or any of the others.

On the subject of even more monumentally stupid decisions:
What kind of sick, twisted parents bring 4 & 5 year-olds to see a PG-13 movie? The theater was packed with them. It was violent. It was REALLY violent. People were blowing up left and right. Seriously, I know this has nothing to do with the actual movie, but WTF? Wait, this is a movie review, not a soap box!

In conclusion:
If you're willing to suspend your disbelief and watch some robots in disguise, then Transformers is the movie for you.