A flood of memories

The other amazing thing about this weekend has been the flood of memories & the mixing of my worlds. My memories and relationships from my college years interacted with memories of high school and of my early post-college years. I stood on the train platform at 30th Street Station as a flood of disconnected memories about my first girlfriend, high school stupidity, my college friends, that shitty non-profit job, train-trips to see my "future" in-laws all hit me.

The stress and fatigue of the last few days caused a massive fibro-flareup that hung with me during the entire visit to the hospital. The pain and numbness running throughout my body added to the surreal feeling of it all.

Riding on that train home gave me other surprising emotions. I'd describe them perhaps as regret and longing, but I'm not sure those are the right words. I was not expecting my life to turn out the way it has. Ten years ago when I commuting on that same train, I expected that Slick and I would end up in a little house along that train route w/ our 1.5 kids. I expected that I would be working at an I.T. job in one of those big office buildings downtown. I expected Slick to drive our only car to her research job in the burbs. Instead, we live in a small town in North Carolina. I don't work because of my condition & we don't have kids.

One of the songs that I randomly put on my iPod folk-mix for this trip was "Will the Circle Be Unbroken." I'm not really into country, but I like that song. It seemed to fit the moment. It's a song about loss and family. I listened to that song standing on the train platform and it brought me comfort. "There's a better home a-waiting in the sky Lord, in the sky."

I've got a ton more living to do, but it's nice to be reminded of where I came from & where I'm going.